Where do I begin? I feel like I have so many thoughts in my head that I need to share, if for nothing more than getting them down on “paper” for me to reflect on later. I use this blog for that a lot. I don’t write very often anymore, but I do go back and read some of my old stuff, to remember or to humor myself. I guess I’ll start with the freshest thing on my mind.

If you follow me on Facebook, and why wouldn’t you, it’s full of useful information and recipes, then you know a short time back I pleaded for help with a young girl that we had been made aware of. She was alone, homeless and in search of a better life. My heart breaks for those lost souls that seem to want to get back on track, whatever that means to them, and just can’t seem to find the help to get there. Some people aren’t interested in getting on track, they feel their track is just fine, and for those, that’s great. But as a human, I feel that is my duty, no, responsibility, to help someone if I can. Does that mean that all help offered will be accepted and the lost will find their way? Not even close, but that doesn’t mean we don’t try. The situation was presented to Marcy and I to help a lost soul, and we took up the challenge. It turns out, it’s not always easy to find help for those that don’t have the money to pay for it. (Trust me, I know from experience) So Marcy set out to find a program, a ministry, anything to help this girl. She was frustrated with the roadblocks and the lack of room for people like our new friend. After many phone calls, she was able to locate a ministry, that I actually had served for many years ago, and they had a bed. We just had to get the girl there for an interview to see if she qualified. Long story somewhat short, she was accepted and Marcy delivered her to their door so she could start the change in her life. A week later, Marcy and I picked her up for lunch and had a long conversation about how things were going, the steps she had taken in that short week and the steps that were next. We were all encouraged and I felt that she was in the right place at the right time. Have you ever had the feeling, in the back of your head, that things just weren’t quite what they seemed? I had it from the day I met her and we spent 3 hours together, talking about her past, her present and her future. This was before we found the program, so it was new to me and I was shocked by her stories. They made me want to help her even more, but that thing in my head said, “Be cautious.” We kept our distance, but tried to encourage her to take advantage of the help, and do what she needed to get to her goal. She was getting ready to work on her GED or diploma, they hadn’t decided which yet. That was a big goal for her. She wanted a job, where she could earn the money to have a “normal” life. I found her intelligent, spiritual and open. But this was a girl who had been on her own, was a bit more streetwise than me, so we stayed at arm’s length and waited for the program she was in, to do what it could do for her. We sent flowers and a card to try and encourage her, and let her know that there were people who cared and who were rooting for her. The other day we learned, she had left the program and was back on the streets. I was saddened, but that voice in my head kept asking, was she going through the program to make a change in her life, or to see if she could exploit the program? Did she leave the program because she couldn’t do it, or figured out she couldn’t exploit it? I guess I’ll never know. I can’t understand why, when you say where you want to be, that you aren’t able to make the decisions and choices that get you there? People are different and we each have our histories that have led us to where we are today, and I get that. But I just can’t see why you would choose, to me, what seems like the harder life. But then again, maybe she took the easy way. Life and responsibility are hard, maybe just surviving is easier.

Now that I have lightened my heavy heart, let’s talk about maybe the dumbest thing I have done in quite some time. I registered for college. To most people, signing up for college would be looked at with 100% positivity, and they should. And I should, but I still have that high school experience telling me that I will never be able to finish this. I was never what you would call “book smart” in school. Possibly because I never opened any of the school issued books. Now, since I’m paying for these books, perhaps I will give them a gander. I’m actually pretty excited to start, and prove to myself that I can do it. My first class is a required class about succeeding, I think in college, but it may be in life as well. I’m pretty sure I don’t need this class, but it’s required and worth a credit, so off I go. My other class is Psychology, which I have an interest in, so I thought I’d try it first so I would increase my chances of finishing. The added pressure I have put on myself is to get all A’s. Not just for the ego part of it, but my company will pay for 100% of the class if I get an A and less as the grade goes down. If I can get all A’s, then my degree will be paid for, minus books, and that’s a pretty good deal. There aren’t that many things in life at my age that will challenge you, so I’d like to come out on top of this. Sure, you can challenge yourself by doing crazy things, like marathons’ jumping out or off of tall things, but let’s be honest, I have a better chance of getting my PHD than you have of ever seeing me do one of those things. I hope to have good news in a few months, like how I got A’s in my first two classes, but if you don’t hear from me, it didn’t go so well.