Poor kitty cat

Makiah and I went to the hardware store today so I could buy some items to install, to then make something else break. As we went in, there was a cat, sleeping in a cat bed, right by the front door. Of course, Makiah wanted to pet it, but I said no. Two reasons, the first is, I'm assuming that the cat is friendly since it is loose in a store, but I don't trust cats, plus he was sleeping. I don't want a cat with sharp claws being startled awake. The second reason is, his older brother and mother are extremely allergic to cats. I bring Makiah home with a swollen face and trouble breathing, it will be tough to explain to his mother. I'd bet my life that Makiah would toss me under the bus and tell his mom that I let him pet a cat. We continued on back to the plumbing area and passed another cat on the way. This one was awake and Makiah wouldn't be denied. He started petting the cat and I started looking for the things we were there for. Makiah caught up with me with the cat not far behind. The cat decided to squeeze behind some of the items I was looking at and then stood on his back paws, which made it look like he was going to climb the wall. All of the sudden, the cat flipped out and started jerking back and forth, side to side. I didn't know what the hell he was doing. I though he was getting shocked or something. He knocked a few things off the rack, so I decided to have a closer look to see what was up. As I walked up, he was really freaking out. I cautiously leaned in and noticed that he had one of his claws hooked in a hole and instead of lifting his paw up, thereby releasing himself from his bondage, he was pulling down, further locking him in. It looked hilarious. I was going to help him, but I figured the second I got close, he would turn on me and shred me like an unwanted credit card application. He finally freed himself and strutted off, like cats do, with an "I meant to do that" look on his face.

Does this look comfortable to you?

Our boys have a bad habit of ending up in our room, in our bed, on occasion. It isn't all of the time, but it goes in stages where it is way to frequent to hardly ever. There are several problems with this.

1. Makiah snores really loud.

2. Max sleeps sideways and brings way too many friends.

3. Max is a hitter and a kicker. I've spent many a morning with a sore back from a kick or a stinging face from a slap. Come to think of it, that might have been Marcy, she has hit me "in her sleep" on several occasions.

4. Mason is almost as big as Marcy and we only have a queen size bed, not designed for three large people. (Well, one large person and two medium sized people, sorry honey)

Usually when they come in, it's between 4am and 5am, which is getting close to when I'm getting up anyway, so I don't take them back to their room. Most of the time I don't even know they are there until I try to roll over and find one of them lodged in the small of my back. I finally have proof of Max and his friends, thought I would share.

I hope you can see him up near the pillows, along with his "guys." This is how he sleeps when he is in our bed.

Really?

For those of you with HBO, tonight there is something on called, "Autism, the Musical." Can't see how you could go wrong there. I hope that is just a name to draw curiosity, and that it's not a musical about autism. Please tell me that is the case. Please.

Good book

I'm reading a book that had one of the funniest lines I have read in some time, thought I would share. The set up is, the author lived in the South Pacific for awhile, moved back to the States (Washington DC) and has now moved back to the S. Pacific with his wife. They are living on Vanuatu (Survivor fans will remember this island as having a not so long ago documented cannibalism event). He moves into a furnished house and describes it as follows:

"It was a modest house, nicely furnished, with the notable exception of the bed, which had a mattress that looked as if it had been the scene of a horrifically bloody crime in a brothel. We turned it over and concluded that there had been at least two crimes committed on it."

That is funny. The book is Getting Stoned with Savages, by J. Maarten Troost, and it is really funny. I'll update on it when I'm done and see if it makes the recommended list. (I don't really have a list, so don't go looking for it)

What is Easter, to you?

I ask that question because, it wasn't so long ago that it meant next to nothing to me. I grew up in the church and said I believed in God, but really didn't have a clue what that meant. Then I got older and what I thought was wiser, and didn't believe anymore. I could talk about how I didn't believe God existed and how organized religion was a scam. Then I met Marcy, and seeing as how I wanted to date her and she went to church, I thought I would go to impress her. Thing was, as I sat and listened to a different kind of sermon, a different kind of church service than I was used to, I started to think, "What if I'm wrong?" I mean, I never did any of the research to validate my beliefs, I only used my ego and what I thought was intelligence. A rational person wouldn't believe in miracles or actually believe in a higher power that was in control of our lives, would they? I sure as hell didn't think so. I kept going to church and I kept listening, and I mean really listening. Then I decided to look into this God thing a little deeper. I read a book called A Case For Christ. It opened my eyes to a lot of history and facts. I would recommend it to anyone who is searching for the truth. Then I started to read the Bible, along with several other publications. I learned, don't say you don't believe without doing the research. People do more checking out of cars that they use to get around than they do on their possible eternal life. Did you know that there are 9 manuscripts validating Julius Cesar, but we all know it to be true. Now did you know that there are 25,000 manuscripts validating Jesus Christ? Don't believe me, look it up. Do your research, prove me wrong, I dare you!

He is risen, he is risen indeed!

Sadest thing I've seen in awhile.

I've mentioned that I go to the Iowa Energy games here in Des Moines. The other night was bobble head night, so this is my guy:

It's actually supposed to be of Jeff Horner, who played for the University of Iowa and now plays for the Energy. Means nothing to those of you out of the state of Iowa, just thought I'd explain why I went to the game early to get, essentially, a doll. That isn't the "saddest thing I've seen in awhile," all be it sad. I've shown pictures of Surge, the Energy mascot, on this blog and talked about his disturbing look. Well now imagine a guy who sees Surge and decides he wants to be like him. So he goes home and makes his own Surge costume out of whatever he can find at home. I'll try to describe him, but I know that I can't do his costume justice. I was going to get a picture, but I was either laughing or staring, so I was unable to get one. He started with a pair of purple tights with red Superman looking underwear, which appeared to me to be stuffed, if you know what I mean. Then there was the purple "shirt" with the fake muscles stuffed inside. Attached by several very visible safety pins, was a red cape that wrapped around him more like Dracula than a super hero. He had a stocking cap on his head that had some sort of stripe on it, but I couldn't tell what it was made of. Then, the best part of the costume was the red vinyl boots that came up to his knee. Where, exactly, would a dude buy such a pair of boots, The Gay Gap? I haven't seen that shop in my mall, but some how he located a pair of boots that, thankfully, fit. He ran around the arena with his fist out in front of him, like he was flying. I was really starting to believe that he might be mental, but he seemed to have his wits (what little he had) about him. We watched in anticipation of his first encounter with the real Surge. We didn't have to wait long. It was funny watching Static (that's what I'm going to call him since Poor Man's Surge takes to long to type) look for Surge, he had that anticipation look, like a kid looking for Santa. Static held his hand out to shake Surge's, then pulled it away ala 8th grade, when Surge reached for it. During their meeting, a lady who works for the Energy went over to talk to Static and escorted him to the end of the arena. I thought he was getting thrown out, even though I'm not sure what the charge would be. I mean, its not against any law or rule to look like an ass. The lady had him sit on a chair at the end of the arena, which looked like he was in time out. I wasn't sure what he was doing down there, but he kept cheering and even did his "D" and held up a little fence for his De'fense, from a seated position. It all fell into place when, after the game, it was announced that he was Fan of the game. I think I'd rather not win that title, if I had to dress like that.

Funny

For all you dog owners, this is funny. Hope you haven't seen it before:

Ten Peeves that Dogs Have About Humans

'1' Blaming your farts on me..... not funny... not funny at all !!!

'2' Yelling at me for barking. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT!

'3' Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

'4' Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose. Stop it!

'5' Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.

'6' The slight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

'7' Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!

'8' Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

'9' Dog sweaters. Hello ??? Haven't you noticed the fur?

'10' How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth. You're just jealous.

Now lay off me on some of these things. We both know who's boss here! You don't see me picking up your poop do you?

And you thought I was crazy!

It was about 10 years ago when I was a witness to something that many people accused me of making up. If you've heard the story, here is a refresher, if you haven't, prepare to be amazed.



As I said, it was about 10 years ago and my brother Brian and I had traveled to Tennessee to visit our dad, who was in the early stages of his battle with cancer. My father had planted a few acres of tobacco to make some extra money, but do to his declining health, was unable to take proper care of it. Family and friends had been helping, not an uncommon thing in the great state of TN. On one particular day, my grandfather ask Brian and I to help spray the field, and we agreed. Now Brian and I are what you might call city folk. We had spent a lot of time at our grandparents farm as young children, but by no means were we country. Some of the things we were being asked to do were foreign to us. I'm not sure if that is the way they are done or if our grandfather was having a laugh at us at our expense. We drove to the field, which was quite spectacular. You had to go up the side of a mountain on this narrow, barely visible dirt road. The vegetation was thick on both sides of the "road," so you could only see a couple of feet off the side of the truck. As we reached the top of this mountain, we drove out of the trees and into an open space covered in tobacco, but no canopy overhead. It's like they shaved off the top of this mountain for what must have been 10 to 12 acres. Plus, there was a barn up there as well. I thought that if you were trying to hide out, this looked like an ideal place. From the paved road, far below, you would have never guessed this field was there. Our grandfather hooked up his modified sprayer to his tractor to start the job. I say modified, but if you knew him, you would know that this was nothing unusual. He was famous, in our family anyway, for fixing or making things out of spare parts. Lets call him, affectionately, MacGyver. Now MacGyver had rigged a 55 gallon drum, full of a liquid that I'm sure would be considered toxic, at best, onto the back of his tractor with a typical spray attachment coming out of both sides. Nothing unusual yet. Now on this mountain top field, you would naturally have a drop off at the end of the field itself where the trees began and the slope of the mountain goes down to the valley below. MacGyver's tractor and sprayer can't reach the last 5 or so rows of tobacco, so this is where MacGyver shows his stuff. He had rigged a tube from the drum, up to another smaller sprayer that was then attached to the end of a 2x4. Brian and I were instructed to put this 2x4 on our shoulder, with the sprayer over our heads, and walk in between the last rows of tobacco so they could be sprayed with this lovely yellow brew that sloshed in the drum. Not 2 minutes before we left on this ill advised adventure with the 2x4, we watched in horror as MacGyver attempted to fix the contraption, only to do what I can only describe as bathe in said poison. I don't know what that stuff was, but I assure you, you wouldn't want to be covered in it. It actually went well, we didn't get covered with I began calling Agent Orange, but I did get a single drop of it on my shoe, which was still there when I threw them away 3 years later, not kidding. Brian and I sat down to rest after this, while our grandfather finished up the spraying. Brian found a canister which we believed was the powder that was used to make the Agent Orange. Brian opened it and accidentally inhaled a bit of it, we both thought he was going to die. From his description of the smell/burn, I wasn't too keen on opening the canister myself, so I let him enjoy that on his own. Brian got in the truck to drive and I stood in the back leaning over the cab, because I didn't think that the brush with poison was enough of a life risk, I wanted to top it off. As we began our descent down this narrow road, Brian and I both witnessed the scariest thing I have ever seen. It ran across the road right in front of the truck, which Brian had stopped just short of this creature. We both stared and said nothing. Our grandfather was driving the tractor and was either behind us or in front of us, I can't remember which, but he wasn't a witness to this thing running across the road. You may be asking, "What was it, Bigfoot? A mutant snake?" As I stared in disbelief, I leaned into the window to see if Brian had seen it as well, and I could tell by his stare, that he had. I asked anyway, "Did you see that?" He responded, "What was it?" The fear was in his voice and I was afraid to utter the next words, but I knew what I had seen. I said, "It looked like a raptor." I know what you are thinking and no, there was no moonshine on the top of that mountain. I've tried to tell myself that what I saw was a lizard running across the road on his back legs, but I don't believe it. I wish I had a picture of it, but I can tell you that if I had a camera, the best shot I could have expected at that point was of the inside of my pocket because I wouldn't have been able to get the camera into any other position in my state. Here it is 10 years later and I have proof of our sighting that day. While doing my research to possible vacation spots, I found the following link on the Kentucky Visitors website. You'll have to click on the link, change the "Interest" drop down menu to Nature/wildlife, then look at the description under Cranks Creek Public Wildlife Management Area.



http://www.kentuckytourism.com/tourism/KI.Tourism.CMS.Templates/InterestResultsByRegionPage.aspx?NRMODE=Published&NRNODEGUID=%7b1E835BFD-AEA0-4E7F-944B-8DAAA10E2E69%7d&NRORIGINALURL=%2fsitestosee%2fboonecountry%2ehtm&NRCACHEHINT=Guest



For those of you that don't want to do that, here is a paste of what it says:



Cranks Creek Public Wildlife Management Area
HARLAN - Daniel Boone CountryAccess Hwy 1138, Cranks
Type of Interest: Attraction
Public hunting on 4,224 acres. Grouse, squirrel, turkey, deer, and rabbit. View raptors. No Camping. Managed by Kentucky Department of Fish and Wildlife.



Did you see what you can "view?" Why the hell isn't this big news, raptors are alive and I'm guessing, breeding, in Kentucky. I will argue that they are in the wild of northern Tennessee as well. And why would you want to camp in raptor country, didn't you see Jurassic Park? Those bastards are mean. After years of ridicule by family and friends, all I can say is, AH, vindication!

Summer Vacation

The plans are coming together for this summers drive to hell, I mean vacation. The house is rented, but for some reason, I thought we needed more time at the beach, so I reserved an ocean front hotel room for 2 nights as well. I was told by the dude at the hotel, that ''You walk out your room door, and your on the beach." We'll see if that is true or not in June. Plus, according to their website, the building we are staying in was just renovated for this season. Not sure if that means they put a new roll of toilet paper in there, just changed the sheets for the first time since the Reagan years, or if it means they updated the decor in the room. Again, we'll see in June. If either of the first two is the case, you will hear about it along with Biff at the front desk, or whatever his name was. Now the question is, when do we leave Iowa and what do we do until we can check in, in NC? I'm now looking at possibly leaving the weekend before we get into the house, making this a two week decline in my mental health, instead of making it a quick one week trip. Don't get me wrong, I love my boys (and wife) and I'm really looking forward to showing the kids (and wife) that part of the country, but I'm also a realist and I know it will be several years before I ever take on a challenge like this again. Going out there, I may be able to fend off the "Are we there yet?" questions, since we will take the drive in small chunks, but coming home, Lord help me! Plus, the fighting, oh the fighting, and I'm not just talking about Marcy and me:) The boys now play a game called, "I'm going to ignore you, even though I know you are talking to me, so you will start yelling at me, louder and louder and louder, but I won't acknowledge you until you are beyond tears and dad snaps and makes me say 'What?'" It sounds like a fun game when you read it, but trust me, first time they break into that game and one of them is in the car top carrier. Milton Bradley looked at publishing the game, but the title didn't fit on the box and I refuse to compromise the title, so its a no go. I'm doing some research on some national parks along the way to check out, one is Cumberland Gap. I was there years ago when I did a mission in Appalachia and the whole area is beautiful. They have a spot in the park where you can stand in KY, TN and VA all at the same time. Doesn't sound that impressive to me, but to a 7 year old and a 5 year old, they thought it sounded pretty cool. It's also free, which does sound impressive to me since the gas is going to run about $2 million to get out there and back. I need to see if they can hook my anger to a generator to power the van. That way, if I snap, the game mentioned before, and the endless food and potty breaks, will only add to the great mileage we will be getting. If they could figure out a way to hook my sarcasm to a generator, I could power all of your vehicles as well. The best thing about that invention, if they could do it, is my family could solve the fuel crisis for the entire country. If they gave out an award for "Biggest Smartass," The award would be called a "Shrum" (like Oscar or Academy) and the list of winners would read like my last family reunion invite list. We are proud of our smartassness and will share with all who won't punch us in the face. A week in the house together will only sharpen the tool we use so well. You'll see, this blog will contain a list of Rants that will take you weeks to catch up on. I'm also looking at Smokey Mountain National Park. I've driven through the Smokies, but never stopped to look around, so maybe we will this time. As my wife can tell you, I'm a planner. I'm all ready looking into the next trip to get together with the whole family. I have friends that stayed in a big house in the Smokies and they loved it. While I'm gone in June, I'll try to post to keep those of you that aren't actually there with me, updated on what's going on. That is if the insane asylum has wireless internet.

Death of a friend, hopeful birth of a new one.

As you know, if you know me at all, that I love Christian music. Part of my journey back to Christ was in part do to a radio station here in Des Moines called the "Q." Recently, the station went "dead," at least on air that is. There were rumors going around about what was happening, but it was obvious by the website, that it is coming back. (by that I mean, there is a new name, 99.5 The Pulse. If it were going away all together, the website would be blank) The station played the best mix of upbeat Christian music on the air. Des Moines has 3 Christian stations, the Q being the best for me, hands down. I was curious as to what was going to happen to my Q, when I was given the chance to meet with the stations general manager. He explained to me the new direction of the station and I must say I was impressed with their vision. He explained to me that the station is actually part of a ministry that is trying to bring non-believers to Christ, sounds good. Their plan is to meld mainstream music (with positive lyrics I would assume) with Christian music to bring people the message of God's love. Sounds real good. I'm assuming we won't here "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mixalot, seeing as how the lyrics might be considered a bit off taste. I'm excited to hear what the new play list will be. You may or may not know that I'm a big Red Hot Chili Peppers fan, so my music taste is pretty much all over the board. I'm not under any illusion that they will play Chili's, some of their songs might be considered a bit off taste as well. (See book review below) Other than country, I like most kinds of music. A mix of Christian and popular mainstream sounds exciting. I feel that, seeing as how their goal is to bring new people to Christ, this seems like a good place to start. The station has been "dead" for a week now and as I understand it, will be re-born soon. I'll let you know what I think when it goes live.



I mentioned a book review, which just happens to be about Anthony Kedis, the lead singer of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. To say he has had a drug problem is like saying lava is warm. He was in and out of so many rehab centers, I'm not sure he even remembers them all. Of course, he goes through his entire childhood, which was crazy to say the least. Being a fan of the group, I found the book filled with a lot of band history and behind the music stories. He talks about some of the producers they worked with, what the meaning of some of the lyrics are and how the band actually brought all of their sounds together. If you like the Chilis, you have to read this. My copy is all ready requested by 2 people, but you can get on the waiting list if you want. I just finished a book by Slash of Guns n Roses, a very good read as well. I spent a lot of time in high school and beyond listening to G & R, so it was pretty cool to hear their story. Plus, you got Slash's side of the whole Axel situation. Axel sounds like a controlling mental case, but I'm only getting one side. I see that Axel has a book out as well, maybe I should read the other side.

WOW, sorry about that!

My last 2 posts were a little heated, sorry. I re-read the title about Phil and Oprah and realized that may lead you to believe that I want to kill Oprah. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I wanted the title of the post to convey the killing of Phil and then there would be a little info relating to Oprah. In my haste to come up with a title that would both explain what was in the post and to hopefully draw you in to read it (marketing), I realized that I may have just threatened Oprah's life. I hope I didn't offend anyone or scare you into thinking I had gone off the deep end. So let me say again, I would never wish or cause any harm to Oprah. I love Oprah. I apologize for any misunderstanding.

Are you kidding me?

I heard about the enclosed article this morning and thought there must be a mistake.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23489861/

If you didn't take the time to read the article, or its gone, here is a summary. A clinic in Las Vegas recently was exposed as reusing syringes and vials of medication. Didn't I hear, for the last 10 years, that reusing syringes is not recommended? Shouldn't a health care facility (I use that term loosely in this case) know the dangers? Didn't they get the memo? There is mention in the article to "saving money." Holy crap, that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. I'm not an expert on syringe cost, so I looked them up on the Internet. I don't know what kinds are used for what reason, but the range I found was $.3782 per syringe to $.4339. You read that right, they are less than a dollar each. Like I said, there may be others that are more expensive, but it can't be that much. Is this where you really want to make your profit margin, on the life of the people you are supposed to be helping? This pisses me off to no end. You mean to tell me that all of the nurses (I use that term loosely to describe these people) administered medicine with used needles and it never once occurred to them that this could be wrong? Have we lost all of our morals or sense of right and wrong? They weren't actually earning more money by saving the company money, I would assume. Were they concerned for their jobs? So you feel the choice to risk lives is a better idea than looking for something else? How about you just don't comply to the rule, let them fire you, collect unemployment until you find a new one and blow the whistle on the whole friggin operation? Maybe it's just me, but I'd rather be poor than possible kill someone. But then, I'm funny that way.

I'm gonna kill that rat! and Oprah

On Feb. 2nd, something happened that upset me. We all waited around for a fat rat to tell us if we were going to be miserable or happy, he chose miserable. The rat I refer to is Punxsutawney Phil, and I hate him. In Iowa, we have had a harsh winter. The temps have been low and the snow has been high. I read an article on Feb. 24th, that Des Moines has had 48.3 inches of snow this winter. We have since had 7 or 8 more. If you do that simple math, we have had about 56 inches of snow. That's 4 and a half feet of snow, and we don't have many places to ski to take advantage of that much. The most recent snow being last night in which we had almost 70 degrees on Sunday, then 3 to 4 inches on the ground when we got up. THAT SUCKS. We had clear streets and driveways for all of one day and now the snow and ice have piled up making small cliffs, at least that is what they look like in my little car. Did I mention that I got stuck in my own garage a few weeks back? The car was in the garage over night and the snow that built up behind the front tires had fallen off onto the garage floor. Now that my new car has an engine that is more suited for weed whacking than actually driving, I was unable to back over this pile of now frozen ice. I had to pull up and get a running start in reverse to get over it. Then I had to get out and use my ice scraper to get this mini Everest off the floor, seeing as how I didn't have a base camp set up to make my next trip into the garage a two day event. The pot holes on one of the streets I drive on everyday are so big, I'm afraid if I drive in one, I will be lost until the city crews try to fill it in mid June. Seriously, I'm afraid my little Cheerio tires will explode with the depth they would have to go in. My new car doesn't even have a spare tire, it has a "repair kit," which I think includes a pack of gum and a hand pump. So back to the rat, I blame him for this last snow and any future snows for the next 2 weeks. Just remember, if Phil turns up "missing," you know nothing.

I've mentioned my allergy attacks that happen just about every Sunday night. Well they just got worse. I watched Oprah's Big Give last night and sure enough, allergies. There are a few things that I don't like about the show, for one, they keep telling me a running total of the amount of money they have given/raised. Doesn't seem to be the point, but since they all do it, maybe they are supposed to. If so, I don't like it. If you didn't see it, I will assume you know who Oprah is. (If not, please buy a TV or read any other website other than mine, but now mine is included, and they will say something about her) She picked 10 people that are supposed to help some pre-choosen people. It turns out it is a competition, but I'm not even going to try and explain how the show works, you'll have to check it out. One of the people they helped was, a woman and her 2 daughters who had just lost their father/husband, just six weeks earlier, to a shooting. It just showed me, again, how precious life is and not to take it for granted. I just recently upped my life insurance trying to avoid the same situation this woman was facing, in the event something happens to me. I looked at this woman and my heart just broke. She was facing loosing her house and not being able to pay her bills. I wouldn't want Marcy and the boys to have to go through that, as well as not having me around. The 2 guys that were assigned her raised some money to help with the house and just did a bunch of stuff to help her. Really cool, I will be checking in again. All of the people they helped were deserving and I'm anxious to see who else they help, and how.