Happy New Year!

It's kind of a tradition on this blog for me to write about what I'm thankful for. The end of the year seems like a good time to look back and remember the good times, and the bad times, but be thankful for where God has left me. Lets move from the beginning of the year on. I don't think there was a better way for my year to start off than in Hawaii. To witness the beauty God created and spend a week with my wife taking in that beauty, was amazing. We were fortunate to meet our neighbors who clued us into a few local things and we enjoyed their company. I can't wait to go back.
Next, I was able to travel to El Paso, TX to once again serve my brothers and sisters in Christ who are struggling far more than I could ever imagine. Every time I go, I receive an education that is more valuable than anything I ever learned in school. The people I serve with are amazing servants of God and I draw inspiration from them, each and every year.
The bad came after that and I personally received the scare of my life. I've lost a lot of people in my life, including a 10 year span where I lost a huge percentage of the people I love, but nearly loosing Marcy was scarier than all of that. To think I almost lost the one person I count on anymore. Loosing my parents hurt, but I didn't rely on them for my day to day support, my daily laughter and spiritual growth. The thought of trying to raise our three boys without her was terrifying. The thought of not seeing her everyday broke my heart. I guess you don't know what you have until you loose it, or almost in my case.
I guess the next event was my year topper, and maybe my life topper, when it comes to travel. I've been blessed with the opportunity to travel to a bunch of different places. My trip to Jamaica was incredible. I always loved going to Mexico. I even enjoyed my trip to Canada where my brother and I were nearly eaten alive by biting black gnats. Of all those places, none compare to Africa. I recently looked back at the photos from the trip and the excitement I felt all came back. Just put yourself there. Think of how you would feel to wake up one morning, walk out your door and see a giraffe. Think about what it would be like to do a safari game drive EVERYDAY. Chad and I got up early everyday we were in Africa, determined not to waste this opportunity we had been given. For me, I think we got about as much out of it we could. To be there and serve God and help the orphans that will be living in the village, was a blessing in my life. I can't thank those of you that helped me get there enough. Without you, we wouldn't have been able to change the lives of those kids. I was proud to represent you and share the love of Jesus with those kids, so far away. I could talk about my trip for hours, which I just about did with my friend Nate who I had lunch with recently and I hogged the conversation. Throw in a trip to LA and Chicago, and my travels for the year are all listed.

Other than travel, to see my kids grow, learn and laugh, is a gift all on it's own. I may not be their best resource for their school work, but I know they want to be around me, and I'll take that for now. I know when they become teenagers, that may change, so I'm enjoying it as long as I can. We play the wii and I let them win. OK, maybe "let" is the wrong word, because they win regardless of what I do. Mario kart with Mason is basically to see what place I can come in behind him, and try to stay out of last place so I don't have to watch Mason do his "First place" dance, which I have seen a lot. I'm thinking about coming up with a 12th place dance, but I'm not sure how to incorporate crying into a dance. My kids make me laugh all of the time and I have posted a bunch of the reasons on this blog throughout the year. To see all of the things they can do now that they couldn't do last year is awesome. Max wouldn't sled with us last year, but this year plopped down on the sled and shot down the hill before the rest of us could even get to the top of the hill. Makiah has the same taste in music as I do and he loves for me to open itunes and blast some Black Eyed Peas, some John Reuben or go old school Smash Mouth. Mason amazes me with his computer knowledge and his story telling. He has a fantastic imagination, I think we'll see a book written by him on the shelves a few years down the road, once he figures out how to bring all of his ideas together in a story everyone else can follow. This year Marcy and I celebrated 10 years of marriage. I guess our short courtship didn't have a negative affect on our ability to stay married. With the schedule we keep and all of the kids, it's hard to spend any quality time together, in Iowa. I guess that is why I always look forward to us being able to travel together, we get to spend a lot more one on one time.

Work wise, I couldn't be happier with the company I work for. They were able to weather the recession, without any layoffs, and appear poised to make a monster come back in 2010. I have been fortunate to work, previously at CE Software and now Channel Prime Alliance(CPA), for companies that have allowed me to do my mission work and supported me when family issues have arisen. CPA has been very understanding with time off I needed when Marcy was in the hospital and has allowed me to work from home to help care for the kids, and avoid dangerous driving conditions in Iowa's lovely winter fun. I feel very fortunate to have a job, for starters, but to work for a company that in my eyes, gets "it" is awesome. It's nice to put the "Career" section of the paper, right in the recycle bin each week, never even having to open it.

I'm thankful for all of my family that doesn't live under my roof. I never get to see them as much as I would like, but I know they are a phone call away if I need them.
I'm also very thankful for all of my friends and my small group, who have supported me and my family through all of our tough times. They made trips to the hospital, called, texted and just poured out love like I've never seen before. They supported me in my Africa adventure, and one of my best friends decided to join me, and I don't think he has regretted it for a second. I don't have many close friends, Marcy thinks that is a problem, but I don't see it that way. The few I have I know would do anything for me, and I hope they know I would do the same. I don't have the time for tons of friends, it's too exhausting. I don't want drama between me and another person, my personality can't take it, so I limit my friends to a few select suckers, I mean, people, and I'm good with it.

I'm thankful I haven't been in an accident, and neither has Marcy and the boys. I'm thankful that I haven't been arrested, even though I was probably pretty close after the woman's bathroom incident. I'm thankful I wasn't eaten by a lion, or more realistically, gored by a Cape Buffalo. I'm thankful I get to live in the great state of Iowa, even in the winter. I can't wait to see what 2010 brings. I hope I have a few things to share with you, so stay tuned.

I love you all! Happy New Year and may at least one of your dreams come true this year.

There is no denying it.....

it is winter in Iowa. As I write this, we have about 15 inches on the ground, 2 from Monday and 13 from yesterday. That may be low, hard to tell. Plus, it is still coming down. Yesterday it looked like it was raining. They predicted it could come at 1 to 2 inches per hour, I'm guessing that is what it was, if not more. I hadn't seen it snow that hard in a long time. As I was shoveling today, I was working around my mailbox and wondered, is the postal service hanging on to that motto, "Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds." I read it's not an official motto, but you use to hear it all the time, at least I did when I was a kid. I have not received my mail on numerous occasions and I'm guessing today will be one of them. I understand, you just might want to drop the "snow" part. When I use to deliver newspapers, no excuse, you delivered no matter what or you got docked for every paper and had to listen to pissed off customers, who by the way weren't going to work because the weather was so bad, buttheads. We had snow a few years back, that had been plowed by the street plow, and made it so our mail person couldn't lean out and deliver our mail. They would have to get out of the truck, and that wasn't happening, so we got a note in our mailbox that we would no longer get mail until the situation was fixed. This note, as I said, was in my mailbox, so they had to get out of the truck to put the note in, but God forbid they ever did it again. Nice customer service, but like I always say, if there is a monopoly on something, they don't feel the pressure to provide good service. Try arguing with the local energy or water company, if you only have one "choice" and see how much they care. So I'm not holding my breath on mail today, but I saw something else the other day that I never saw when I was a kid. I was headed to work about 6:30 the other morning, and it was brisk, but I wouldn't say cold. Marcy would say it was freezing, but I'll say it was in the 20's. nice. As I passed a school bus stop, there were cars lined up, full of kids, waiting for the bus. When I was a kid, you stood out there, "neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these kids from the swift ride to their appointed school". I'm pretty sure if I asked my mom to sit in the car while I stayed warm to wait for the bus, should would have laughed in my face. To be honest, I never would have asked, it never would have occurred to me. I guess the times, they are a changing. I'm guessing there aren't as many latchkey kids these days, but I could be way wrong on that one. In Iowa they have after school programs for kids, they call it kidswest. When I was a kid, the after school program was playing with my friends and trying to stay out of trouble so you didn't get grounded. Man I got grounded a lot.
Question. When bad weather is coming, people stop at the store to pick up a few things. Makes sense, but my question is, why stock up like the city will be shut down for a month? This isn't a nuclear disaster, the stores will be open soon, if they ever close. You might not be able to drive there, but I'm guessing that is for a day, two tops. Most roads are not even noticeable today, looks like the arctic circle out there, but I can tell you with confidence, they will be open at some point tomorrow. So you went to the store and bought 25 cans of cream corn, fine, but why did you need to buy 10 gallons of water? I'm pretty sure the water system will be fine, even with a bunch of snow. It gets a heck of a lot colder in Iowa than it is today, so I don't think the whole system will freeze up. I just don't get people.

Oooops!

In this blog, I've made fun of people for a lot of things, bad driving, bad customer service and a lot of dumb things people have said or done. I've made fun of myself alot, which is only fair if you are going to make fun of someone else. I have to be able to take it if I can dish it out. That being said, I need to confess what is probably the stupidest thing I have ever done. Marcy and I had the great pleasure of a date night last night, thanks to Michelle for watching the boys for us to make that happen. We decided to see a movie, which we hadn't done in over a year. We saw Blindside, which was excellent. I thought I was going to have a severe allergy attack throughout the movie, but luckily, there was only one. Seeing as how this movie is based on a true story, I was a bit more interested than if it had been a chick flick. I must say, for the two of us to see the movie, have a popcorn and each a drink, we paid over $30, seems a bit outrageous. At least we didn't have a babysitter to pay, so it was worth it. After the movie, in which I had consumed a very large drink, I needed to pee. Seeing as how my assumption was that we were heading home, I figured I'd wait until we got there to go. On our way out to the car, Marcy asked if I wanted to head to Kohl's to get me a pair of snow boots. Winter in Iowa is upon us and snow if predicted for tonight. My boots pulled apart years ago and I have been getting by because we never seem to have money to purchase me a new pair of boots due to the fact that we are constantly buying new boots/shoes/pants/socks/underwear/food for the boys. That's what a dad and mom do right, sacrifice for their kids. The thought of me getting a new pair of boots, just before the first shovelable snow of the winter, had me excited, still had to pee. We get to Kohl's and I ask Marcy where the bathrooms are so I can relieve the pressure and shop a bit more relaxed. This is a new Kohl's, so I don't know my way around. I was pointed in the right direction, by the customer service counter, and I'm off. I find the area, see the men's room and head on in. As I enter, I noticed a few things about this new bathroom. One, very clean, in fact, maybe too clean. Second, no smell. I'm guessing because it is so new, but maybe because they have a good cleaning crew. I head down the row of stalls, when something else strikes me as odd, no urinals. I don't think I have ever been in a men's room without urinals, unless it's a one seater. I choose my stall from one that is still open and begin to do my business. Then, a thought occurred to me, am I in the women's room? No, I read the name on the door, it said men's room, but things were starting to make sense. Why was this bathroom so clean? Why didn't it smell like hundreds of men had pissed all over the floor? Why were there no urinals? Panic set in, there are occupied stalls that I passed and I'm standing, pissing into the toilet and it sounds like a race horse pissing, not some woman. I passed the customer service desk with a guy working, to get in here. Was security on its way? Maybe I'm OK, maybe this is all a coincidence. I decided to start peeing on the toilet bowl, not the water, to silence the waterfall, because stopping isn't an option. I finish and I feel my face and head flush red as I unlock the stall door. I peek out and I don't see anyone by the sinks, so I make a run for it. There are probably 10 stalls and 3 are occupied. I bypass the hand washing and bolt for the door, which happens to be frosted glass. What do I see, painted in reverse on the frosted glass, Women's. Shit, now what. I can make it out of the restroom without being seen, but I'm getting ready to open the door into the customer service area, where surely I would be spotted, cuffed and hauled to the station for being a pervert. I opened the door, and there was a guy standing at the CS desk, but looking down. I walked as fast and as innocently as I could and as I rounded the corner, a woman was coming at me, but I was far enough away from the door that it looked like I could have come out of the actual men's room. I walked to find Marcy, still expecting security to find me for a few questions, seeing as how there are security cameras all over the place. They never came. I decided not to tell Marcy about the whole incident until we got out of the store, so if security was watching me, and I'm guessing laughing their asses off, it would appear I was totally oblivious to what I had done and I could play dumb when questioned. Never had to act that out, security never bothered to show. I'm not sure that is a good thing, in general, when a man can walk into the ladies room, whether he is a pervert or just a dumbass, and then walk out unnoticed. A few things that may have helped me on this. One, it was after 10pm, so there weren't a lot of people in the store. This helped me the most, I'm guessing, because there weren't any women coming out of the stalls to see me, or any at the door as I was coming out. Two, due to the legalization of gay marriage in Iowa, there are a few more lesbians here than there were, say 3 years ago. This is a guess, but with my hat on, long coat and confident demeanor (I walked in like it said Men's, and only Men's, on the door), that maybe security thought I was a very tall lesbian. I'm not sure why I was so lucky, that I wasn't spotted, slapped or maced, but the only injury I sustained was the shot to the pride, which I could have avoided by not speaking a word of it to anyone. But doing that would deprive all three of my readers of a laugh and confirmation of just how stupid I can be. Marcy thought it was hilarious, though I'm not sure she will be sharing the story with the girls at church. Next time I go to Kohl's, I will check to see if a "Wanted" poster is up with a sketch of a very tall, ugly, lesbian.

Not again.

Another day, another broken household appliance. This time, it's the dryer. I worked on laundry all day Sunday and was down to the last two loads I was going to do that day, when I found the second to last load wasn't dry when the dryer had shut off. This isn't completely abnormal, especially for a load of towels, we have to run the load a bit longer than the original time. After the second time, the towels weren't damp, they were still pretty wet. It seems I had been giving my towels a ride in the merry-go-round, but without heat, they aren't going to make it to the dry stage. I knew this day was coming. The dryer had been making sounds like it was ready to die for months now, but you pray it will hold on until you might actually have the money to buy a new one, like 2015. No such luck. I tried to find the least expensive dryer, with the largest tub and best reviews. I wanted to spend $20 and have the thing last for 10 years, I'm knew that wasn't going to happen. I will be starting the "Buy Mark a new household appliance fund," if you want to contribute. I picked up my selection last night and installed it. We ran one load of towels and it dried them in one shot, good news. This year, we have purchased a new air conditioner for the house, a new dishwasher and now, a dryer. I'm knocking on wood right now, because we are the only house on our street with its original water heater, so it's only a matter of time.

We spent last Friday and Saturday in Mt. Pleasant visiting Marcy's family. Along with catching up and messing up Grandma's house, we got to visit a horse ranch that the family knows the owners. There were hundreds of horses there, it was pretty impressive. We toured a few of the barns that held some of the studs and new baby horses. The boys like petting the horses and we learned a little about the horse business, very little, but what do you expect for a couple of hours. One of the horses we were told was a bit rambunctious, so we were advised to stand back while the guy put him back in his stall. As soon as he did, all hell broke loose and this horse started kicking the wall and appeared to be trying to climb over the wall into the next stall. I've never seen a horse act like that, in all of my 3 trips to a horse barn, so take that for what it's worth. This horse was nuts, and the guy just laughed and said he always did that. Might want to check into some horsey Prozac. The day ended with tractor rides with uncle Rob, the boys loved that. They got to drive with Rob on the back, hard to get the grin off their faces after that. The weather was fantastic, in the upper 50's, so the outdoor activities were even better.

We got the tree up and I finished the outdoor inflatables yesterday, I think we are ready for Christmas. We are all done shopping for the boys, and I think Marcy and I got a dryer for Christmas, so a few more things for others and we are done. This has been a challenging year financially, so lets hope that 2010 is better. Lets try no major appliance, or vehicle, bills. No collapsing of the roof or flooding of the basement. No medical issues and no job loss. As long as all of this stays away, maybe we can save up and buy a new can opener in 2010, that broke this year to:)

Sorry!

Couple things.

1. Sorry I left the last post up as long as I did. Nobody needs to read about an ear hair, let alone see it if you look at my blog multiple times. I know you don't need to know about all of my "getting older" things, but trust me, I filter out most things and just left you with one disturbing image. I will try to keep most of those things to myself from now on.

2. Driving in today, I passed a small Chevy truck. They were called a Chevy Luv when I was a kid, but I'm pretty sure that name disappeared with the dinosaurs. Now, it's probably a Chevy F25, but I have no idea. Anyway, this little mint green, rusted out truck was packing a set of the fake testicles hanging from the back bumper, apparently explaining to us just how tuff this guy and his baby truck is. He also has the phrase "Cowboy Up" in the back window in large letters. OK, couple problems with this. First is, plastic balls hanging from your little mint green truck, do not intimidate even the wimpiest person. This guy is so far off I can't even put it into words. Plus, the balls were blue, which makes it even worse. Second, cowboy up? Seriously? In Des Moines, Iowa? In a mint green truck with blue plastic balls hanging from your rusty bumper? Talk about delusional.

3. I mentioned that I listen to the 80's station in my car. This morning I was treated to REO Speedwagon and You Can't Fight This Feeling. My car has a readout that tells you the artist and song, but some titles don't fit. Here is this mornings song:

I think this is the motto for the satellite radio company, it most certainly is the motto for our local cable company that I luckily got away from.

4. You probably saw my post on Facebook, but if not, I figured out that I actually know Rebecca from The Biggest Loser. I'm addicted to this show. I love watching people succeed and to see how they overcome their obstacles to achieve their goals. I wanted Rebecca to win from the beginning, because she was from Des Moines and because she seemed like a cool person. I was disappointed when she was booted out and then shocked when she walked into the house that was right across the street from my Southside home. I didn't know her very well, she was 15 and not really interested in hanging with me and her dad as we worked around our houses. Her dad helped me with several projects at my house, along with my other neighbor Gene. They were great neighbors and when I saw who Rebecca's parents were, I wasn't surprised at all. She represented Des Moines well and I hope she wins the at home portion of the show.

Oh crap!

How do you know you are getting old, and falling into the old guy stereotypes? I just pulled an exceptionally long hair OUT OF MY EAR!!!!! What the hell? I've never had hair in my ear. Not on my head anymore either, but I can live with that, but this ear hair is not working for me. It was only one, but it was long enough to put in a ponytail. Can you put one hair in a ponytail? How have I not noticed it until it was caught in my pants zipper? I'd like to start my mid-life crisis now, there is a Camaro that is screaming my name.

CHEATER!!!!!!

Found out a little trick that Makiah likes to do. Makiah, Max and I were building puzzles last night. When we got down near the end, I noticed that we were going to be several pieces short, which isn't surprising, it's a puzzle after all. My experience has been that you only have all of the pieces the first time you build it, then they start to disintegrate in the box, so each time you build it after that, more and more pieces are missing. As we are fitting the last few pieces we have, I notice a piece under Makiah's leg, so I tell him to get it. He moves his leg and behind it, is several more pieces. I realized that he was holding pieces so he could put the last ones in, not me or Max. Clever, but I wanted to put the last piece in so I trashed the puzzle and stormed out of the room. I wanted to be sure my kids know how to finish a puzzle, the same way you leave a board game if you are loosing, angry and defiant.

I found a new fun thing, once you hear it, you will realize just how pathetic my life is. I have found the 80's music station on my satellite radio. I now spend my mornings with Duran, Duran, Cyndi Lauper, Bryan Adams, Huey Lewis AND the News and even a ditty or two by Wham! The radio station that I'm on the board of directors for, had a commercial for awhile that said that by the time a kid reaches the age of 18, they have memorized the lyrics to 1,000 songs. I thought that number was a bit inflated, until I started hearing songs by Howard Jones and I knew the words. I can safely say that I have never owned a Howard Jones album, so it's all from memory. Our commercial basically states that you should have your kids listen to our station, so the lyrics they memorize are positive, not the crap I have swimming around in my head. Who needs to know the words to She Bop? Is Hungry Like the Wolf necessary to have taking up valuable, and lets be honest, limited brain space? I think not, but man it's fun to sing along with some of the stuff I hear now. Makes me want to grow my hair long, both of them, and get my ear re-pierced, both of them, and maybe find an old Volkswagen Rabbit to cruise around in, to make the flash back complete. Of course, I'd have to dis-connect the horn (Brian and Lisa will remember that), remove the drivers side door handle, knock a hole if the muffler and shred the entire interior, but man that car could get the hell beat out of it and keep on going. And who would have thought that you could cram 9 people into that car? Not I, but I promise you, it can be done.

God's beautiful world.

I've mentioned how I think Iowa is a beautiful part of the country. Here is a picture I snapped on my phone Sunday, proving it.

We spent the afternoon at a state park near our house, hiking in the woods with no trail, hiking along the river with a trail, jumping in leaves and tossing walnuts in the water. A stop at the boat ramp produced the above picture. Fall is one of my favorite times of the year, so this was a great day to get out. The leaves have all turned and most have dropped, but the temps were in the 70's, so you could so anything you wanted outside without bundling up. Not bad for November. At the boat dock, I noticed an old pair of shoes and set one a drift down the river. I thought it would sink, but it floated until it was out of site. I should have put one of Mason's action figures in it, but that would not have gone over well with him. It was after it was 50 feet down the river that the thought popped into my head that that shoe MIGHT belong to someone coming back to get it. Time to pack up a get out of dodge before the owner shows up and kicks my ass with the one remaining shoe.

A bit about nothing.

I watched 2 guys chain a car to a big pole today. I'm not sure what they were planning to do or if this was their anti-theft protection. I wanted to stop and take a picture, but they were big guys and I thought they might not appreciate the humor I got from it.

Here is a picture of Max who feel asleep watching one of his movies last night.

If that isn't relaxed, I don't know what is.

Here is a difference between Marcy and I. I brought Max home early from trick or treating, because he was freezing. I was letting him hand out candy to kids when they came to the door, so I told him, "Give them each a handful." My thought was, his hands aren't that big and I don't want all this candy in the house, PLUS what the boys would be bringing home. I don't eat much candy, so no big deal to me. Marcy came home and went with Max to the door and was quite upset that he was giving out that much candy. She changed the rule to 3 pieces and pulled all of her favorite candy from the bowl. That is something the boys and Marcy have in common, the appreciation of candy. My thought is, if I want a particular candy, I will just go buy it and keep it at work so the kids don't eat it all.

I didn't have any inappropriate jokes this year, like I had a few years back when a little boy told me a joke I KNOW he got from his dad. A friend of mine got this one form a small child that had no idea of the double meaning.

What is 6 inches long and women want it? Money.

I had to get a ruler out and measure a dollar and sure enough, about 6 inches. The kid said his dad taught him the joke, big surprise. What ever happened to the good old days when there were no tricks, no jokes, only candy and a sprint to the next house to get more. We stayed out for hours when I was a kid on the east coast. Now, you get 2 hours. I actually saw teenage kids running down our street ringing door bells and then kept on running. Nobody got hurt, they had fun and I got to relive a bit of my childhood just by watching. They didn't smash any kids pumpkins and they didn't break anything. I applaud them.

I DID IT!

I finished my 30 day challenge, just a few days later than expected. Here is a picture of the screen with my proof.

I took a few extra days when I wasn't feeling well. All in all, I liked it. I still can't get my elbow to stop hurting, but the price you pay to get 1% healthier than you were. I'm not sure how much good you can do in a month, but I do feel that I can get through most of the exercises without dieing, which I couldn't do at the beginning. I think I'm going to try another 30 day challenge, but wait until next week to start it. I can give my elbow a bit of time to recover and the guy who works for me is out this week, so I need to get in early.

Ouch.

I learned a little new math this morning, let me brake down the formula for you.

low ceiling + jump lunges = serious head trauma

I have to keep my wits about me when I work out. The basement I finished has a low spot where the air return comes down. I know it's low, so I try to keep closer to the TV so it doesn't become an issue. This morning, I lost track of where I was and worked into my jump lunge which cracked my head on the ceiling. Knocking myself unconscious would be very bad at that time of the morning, seeing as how my wife doesn't get up for another 2 hours and might not notice I'm still home for another hour after that when so goes to leave and would see my car is still there. I would have bled out before that or at very least, have wet myself, which would be just as bad. Having your wife find you laying in a pool of your own urine, having knocked yourself out, is not what I want on my resume. The good thing is, since I'm older, white, out of shape and a bit overweight, my vertical leap is low, so the actual force of my head into the ceiling was light. Today's lesson? You don't want to learn new math from a concussion.

You made what?

A funny story from Makiah last night. Marcy had taken the boys to a local church who was having their pumpkin festival, basically inflatable rides, candy give away and a few other things. I asked Makiah what he had done while he was there, and very excitedly he told me, they made ass. I giggled and assumed I heard him incorrectly, so I asked him, "You made what?" Again he told me they made ass. He was saying this with a straight face, so I knew he had no idea what he was saying. He was also holding his hands in a "cupped" fashion, which added to the hilarity. He was a bit frustrated that I refused to believe him that he had made ass, and I just kept laughing at him. I decided to take him to his mother to find out just exactly where she had taken them that they made ass, and I was kicking myself for not going to this extravaganza. When we found Marcy, I told Makiah, tell mommy what you did. He repeated it, and Marcy turned her head so Makiah didn't see her laughing, something I had failed to do. We finally got it straightened out and as it turns out, it wasn't ass that they had made, but acid, big difference. The 2 cupped hands were because they had mixed 2 bags together to make the assid. We then had to explain what ass was and that saying it at school would get them in big trouble. I won't be surprised to get a note from school soon stating that my child taught the second or third grade a new word and would we like to come in to discuss it.

Breaking News!

The house of the notorious drug gang SWATSD was raided this afternoon and all but two of the gang were captured and arrested. I've included their mug shots for you to see, and to put out a warning on the remaining 2 suspects. This gang has been in business for years, but their gang affiliation and drug connections weren't known until recently. Their true identities were not known until recently, all previous identification was in the form of drawings. They have also been known to dabble in the prostitution business, according to a confidential informant, who we will call SW. The streets will be a bit safer with these criminals off the street.

Bashful


Dopey


Grumpy


Sleepy


Happy


If you see the remaining 2 members, Doc and Sneezy, do not approach them, contact the police immediately. They are seen in the company of a serial killer, Mr. Scary As Hell.

Almost there!

I'm in the final stretch of my 30 day challenge, having completed 14 of the 20 workouts. This morning, I came as close to passing out as I ever have in a workout situation. To say there were a lot of squats would be understating my misery this morning. The squat and holds had my legs shaking violently, but I didn't stand up and pause the clock this time. My jump lunges were a bit higher and my regular lunges were balanced, so I'm improving there. A new squat was added, you squat and then lift your foot up so you are on the ball of your foot, almost on your toes. This is a calf workout, but your thighs get a benefit as well, I can assure you. My thighs were burning and really tight, I'm guessing I'm really going to feel this tomorrow morning. I can tell my physical fitness is improving, but I have a long way to go. My weight has dropped by about 6 pounds since I started and I jiggle far less than when I started. My knee's are doing pretty good, but my right elbow hurts alot. I'm guessing I hyper extended it in one of my boxing exercises, but not sure what I actually did to it. Makiah came down this past weekend and joined in. I was glad that he stopped, exhausted, after a short try, that made me feel better about my efforts. Mason came down and told me it looked easy, but the little shit walked out when I challenged him to a dual workout, chicken. Makiah and Max like to do some of the exercises while I'm doing them, but if they were actually hooked up to the Wii, they would get yelled at by my trainer. I did learn a valuable lesson today, and that is, be sure the controller has good batteries when you work out. I was half way into a run when my dude on the screen started walking, I was running, but my trainer started giving me crap. I was not very nice and shook the controller and the leg strap violently trying to get it to register. So as the screen showed my guy walking around the track, I continued to run and catch a verbal thrashing from my trainer. I'm guessing we were one minute away from her call me a total pussy, excuse my language, when I moseyed across the finish line, only to hear how I should have done much better and to not give up. Give up hell, I was more tired from flinging myself around trying to get the controller to register than if I had just walked like the Wii thought I was. I swapped out batteries and the rest of the stuff registered, so my stress level dropped considerably.

On another note, my spell checker knows what "sharted" is. That makes me laugh. I assume you all know, but just in case, shart is a fart with a bonus. If you want to see the funniest time I have ever seen it used, watch Along Came Polly with Ben Stiller. His friend says it and I nearly sharted when he did, hilarious for those of us with a 5th grade sense of humor.

Over the hump.

I'm half way through my 30 day challenge, and that is what it is, a challenge. After today's work out, I was told in a little video that they were going to step up the work outs. That's good because I haven't felt nauseous since yesterday morning. New least favorite exercise, squat and holds. Doesn't sound that bad, but when you have all ready run twice, have all ready done squats and lunges, then to have to squat and hold for 45 seconds, not easy. My legs were shaking so bad that the sensor thought I had stood up and told me to squat down again. Shit, I was still squatted and pissed that the timer had shut off. I finally finished that, and what did the Wii have in store for me next, why my last least favorite exercise, jump lunges. If I thought my vertical leap was low before, try squat and holds, then make me do jump lunges. I'm surprised the sensor even picked up that I was moving. We'll see how the back stretch on this is and whether my knees will hold up or not. I've started to apply ice to them after each workout which seems to be helping.

On another note, we spent last weekend at a hotel here in DSM that just added an indoor water park and remodeled the rooms. It was really nice and the kids loved the water park. They have 2, two story slides, and Mason was the only kid we could get to go on them. Marcy and I rode them and thought they were pretty fun, but Makiah and Max thought it was too scary, so they wouldn't ride. There were several other pools for them to play in plus a large hot tub, which Marcy and Makiah liked a lot. Makiah couldn't understand why I didn't want to get in the hot water, then back into the regular pool. No thanks, way to cold for me. There were several kids that were unsupervised and a bit crazy, but for the most part the other kids were behaved. I got up Saturday morning to run home to work out and there was fricking snow on my car. I hope this isn't a sign of our winter to come.

Wii Active, you lie!

I was a bit disappointed in my Active trainer this morning, she lied to me. I was told at the beginning of my workout that they were going to give my legs a rest and just work on upper body. Not true, I did 2 different lunges, twice. I did the inline skating which is basically getting into a crouch position and then jumping as high as you can, then getting into the crouch position to do it again. I'm not saying that your upper body doesn't get any workout in those exercises, but I'd hardly call them upper body exercises. Then they made me run, long, again. I swear I sound like I'm dying when I'm done, breathing like I'm running in the Alps or something. Hopefully that gets better. When I run, and I think I am tired, I just think of Jillian on Biggest Looser and I keep running. I think that woman would make me cry if I had to work out with her, but I'd do it in a heartbeat, she could whip me into shape in no time. They added a new thing today, forgot what it was called, but it took me awhile to get the motion right, so I was scolded for not completing the exercise, but I actually did. If you wobble, it detects that and tells you to concentrate on completing the exercise. I wobble. I'm happy that my body seems to be holding up. I have bad knees, so I was concerned that they would give out before I could complete the challenge, but so far so good. My right elbow is sore, but I think that is from over extending my arm while doing boxing, which I am adjusting. My water intake is WAAAAAAY up, so I have to pee constantly. I hope once I adjust to the decrease in Coke and increase in water, I will spend less time at the urinal. I am down to 2 Cokes a day. I started that on the first along with the workouts and that is hard. I love Coke and was drinking 5 or 6 or more a day. Now, just 2, then a lot of water, now with lemon and I started Crystal Light and am liking that. Dump a little packet in a water bottle, shake, and enjoy. Tastes pretty good, cuts my pop intake and increases my water intake, win, win, win. They give you little trophies when you accomplish things, today I got one for completing workouts on time. My next one is for burning 1000 calories in 6 days, which I'm on track to do. So far, I'd say I would recommend Active, but I'll wait until I finish the challenge before I give it a complete thumbs up, if I can even lift my arms.

Am I dead yet?

Today was day 5 of my 30 day challenge and I'm happy to say that I'm still on track to finish in 30 days, if I don't keel over and die first. You may be saying to yourself, how can a video trainer be that hard? Let me say, first, shut the hell up, you have no idea. If you do the workouts like they tell you too, its fricking hard. Doesn't help that I started out a bit over weight a big bit out of shape. Secondly, have you seen this game/program? They ain't screwing around, they want to kill you. Now you can cheat, I've all ready seen ways to do that, but what's the point. If you aren't going to do it correctly, you might as well just not do it. I would love to just sleep in and tell my video trainer to kiss my ass and she can lunge herself right off that dock I see in the background while I'm working out. At the beginning of each workout, they show you a list of the things you will be doing. I scan quickly looking for those f'ing lunges, but today they threw in my new least favorite, the jump lunge. Call it what it is, the barely jump and try not to fall lunge. I started out great, jumping high and lunging like a pro, then they made me do it a second time later in the workout. Lets just say my normal 2 inch vertical was cut significantly, to barely clearing the carpet fiber vertical, hardly NBA worthy. If I wasn't breathing so heavy, I surely would have given my trainer a few choice words. But alas, I was more concerned about not throwing up, so I decided to try and keep my mouth closed as best I could so as to not blow chunks all over my recently paid for carpet. I was so excited to see "Last exercise" come across the screen, that I almost missed what it was, Run. The run part wasn't as bad as the word right after it, Long. Oh shit, this can't be good. As you run, there is a diagram of the track in the corner with a little dot showing where you are on the track. The finish line pops up on the diagram, but if you are making multiple laps, it doesn't show up until the last lap. I don't know how many laps I did, my eyes blurred over and the heavy breathing was making it hard to focus on the screen, but I made it. Tomorrow is another rest day. I never thought I'd be so happy to have a morning where I didn't feel like I was going to throw up, when I'm not even sick.

Happy Birthday to me.

So today I turned 41 years old today, ahhh where did the time go. I started my day with a 30 minute workout with my new trainer, Mrs. Wii Active. I chose the female trainer because I thought she might be less intimidating and more encouraging. She is very encouraging, for a computer generated Mii, but that hasn't stopped me from calling her a bitch on several occasions. I'm figuring out how to hold the controllers so I get credit for the action I just completed. Hold the controller wrong and the bitch, I mean trainer, thinks you didn't do the exercise or didn't do it correctly, when I most certainly did. I have punched my low ceiling on an over the head stretch, that I have now modified to meet my trainers requirements and my knuckles safety. I have turned my TV so my side lunges no longer slam me into the couch. The little resistance strap they give you pulls the hair off your arms, so you have to hold it a bit differently than I first thought to avoid this most uncomfortable workout injury. I guess if you are really hairy, this is a way to drop a little more weight when it rips a pound of hair off of your arms, but my arms aren't hairy enough for me to take advantage of that feature. There was less nausea today, so I had that going for me. Tomorrow is my day of rest, which hopefully will allow my inner thighs to recover from their now burning state. It feels like someone has kicked me there, repeatedly. There is a questionnaire that you have to fill out each day. They ask questions like how much sleep did you get, how many glasses of water did you drink, how many fast food meals did you eat, what is your stress level, but the one that I know I need to work on is, how many sugary drinks did you consume? I'm not proud to say that 5 is my daily norm, I'm so ashamed. In my defense, I don't drink coffee, so this is my caffeine intake. OK, that is not helping me at all, to claim that pop/soda (lets just say it, Coke) is my way to get another chemical in my body that I don't need. On that note, I've cut my Coke consumption to 2 a day, and it's killing me. Plus, Coke is free at work, so the temptation will be even harder. Since today is my birthday, I'm allowing myself a third Coke with dinner. My main goal in all of this isn't to loose weight, although that will be a good byproduct if it happens, but getting more fit is my main reason. There is a line in King of Queens that always makes me laugh and is appropriate to my cause. As you know, Doug is a bit overweight. He was discussing getting back into football with Carrie, who was trying to talk him out of it because he was in such bad shape, which Doug denied. Carries response was classic, "Doug, you get winded peeling an orange." Welcome to my world, for now.

When super heros go bad

Here is an article in the Des Moines Register today.


Des Moines police are looking for a robber who wore a mask and cape to a holdup Wednesday night.

The victim of the crime, Jean Berndt, 45, works at the Salvation Army store on Southeast 14th Street. Police said she left the store about 8:45 p.m. with a bank deposit and was walking across a parking lot at 6101 S.E. 14th St. She told police she heard someone approaching as she reached her car.

When she turned around, a man grabbed at her purse, she told police. “When Berndt did not let go of the purse, the suspect punched her once on the right side of her mouth,” police said in a report.

She screamed and clung to the purse, and the robber punched her in the face again, police said.

The robber eventually ran across the parking lot of Aspen Athletic Club and disappeared.

Berndt said the robber wore a gold, silver and black Halloween mask and a long, black robe with a cape.

Misc. pictures

I found a few pictures on my phone that I thought I would share.

First off, an albino cucumber from our garden. I don't know what happened to this thing to make it yellow instead of green, but lets just say there weren't any takers when it was offered up as a snack. I was a little concerned that it might be some genetic mutant and if I ate it, I would begin to mutate, which is frowned upon.

Next up, this is a picture from my seat at the last MMA fight I attended. We were front row, which was great for seeing all the action, plus when a guy got hit, you could hear the air leave his body. People sign up for this. On purpose. I will say that there was a woman there that was a "special guest" and worked as a ring girl. She is a Playboy model and had appeared in two issues, so we were told. I myself have never seen her in Playboy, seeing as how I live with my wife and she frowns on those publications. I will say, I wasn't impressed. The other three local girls that were working as ring girls were way more attractive than this so called Playboy model. They, of course, paled in comparison to my beautiful wife:) This model had her own table set up where you could meet her, buy her magazines and get an autograph. I went by the table a few times, and saw zero people in line. Kind of sad, but understandable.

We have a monthly visitor at our house, and it isn't the one that just popped into your head. No, this visitor comes with the following literature.

They come to visit Marcy, who apparently talked to them once, so they feel she is a prime candidate for conversion. I don't know a lot about the Jehovah Witnesses, but I'm pretty sure they feel the number of people getting into Heaven is limited. I'm not sure why, if you believe that, you would go out and recruit more people to join your group, thus reducing the chances that you would get in. You are cutting your odds, so I just don't think I would do it. I'd tell me superior, "Yeah, I went to all those houses and handed out those magazines." Just don't look in my trash. Seeing as how Marcy hasn't been home the last 5 times they have come by, they have decided to work on me. Last weekend I was outside with the boys when they parked their car, 3 houses down, then walked up to our house. I saw them coming, but was sure they had all ready seen me and a quick run into the house with the kids would be noticed and my refusal to answer the door would just energize them for the next visit. The guy part of these visits never even gets out of the car, just the woman and now she is dragging a 12 year old girl with her. She read me some Bible versus, she jumped to Revelations if you can believe it, and started asking me questions. I really was trying hard not to start talking in a deep, devil like voice. In my mind, I would frighten her and she wouldn't return. In reality, she would probably take that as a challenge and show up later with the rest of the Des Moines JW's in tow. The last thing I wanted was a lawn full of JW's, reading their Bible's aloud and scaring my neighbors. I just sat there and nodded my head, she eventually went away, but I know she'll be back.

Finally, I had the chance to go to one of our freight carriers terminals a few weeks back for a lunch and the ability to look at their racing truck. Here are a few shots.



I spoke to a guy who works on the team and he was full of information and even as a non-race fan, I found it very interesting. Plus, it was a free lunch.

I began a 30 day work out program and spent my first morning trying not to hurl. I'll let you know if I can stick with it and what results I may or may not get. Hopefully tomorrow won't have so much nausea.

Don't shoot!

I'm not the type of person to tell someone they are a bad parent, I don't know what in the hell I'm doing, how could I tell someone else THEY are doing it wrong. That being said, let me throw something out to you and see what you think. A little background about the Des Moines area right now. Over the last 3 or 4 months, there have been 6 or 7 attempted abductions of children in and around Des Moines. Rumor has it that some of the cases may be related in a group effort. The police did locate one individual in a town outside of DM and he was arrested, so hopefully that community will be a little safer. Then, Sunday afternoon, I was driving to the grocery store, when I saw 3 kids standing on the side of the road with a lemonade stand. Not a big deal, but a little setup on the area. The road I was on doesn't actually have houses on it, they are on side streets off the main road, so these kids weren't in "front" of their house. Again, three of them, not a big deal. On the way home, I passed the area again, this time, one small boy, by himself, attempting to get strange cars to pull close to him so he can reach his hand close to theirs to hand them a cup, probably in the window of the car. I know a lemonade stand is a right of passage for kids, my kids have had one and have wanted to have more. I know they can learn a few business principals in this basic of businesses. Here's the thing, there are too many crazy psychos out there and I'm just not going to let my kids stand on the curb and invite strangers to get closer to them. It's hard being a parent, trying to decided when and where you can cut the kids some rope, let them wander away from the safety of mom and dad and not be a worry wart. My kids aren't old enough for me to do that, at least not in my eyes. If you are from the Des Moines area, for any length of time, you know the story of Johnny Gosch and Eugene Martin, two paperboys that were kidnapped years ago, while doing their routes. This happens everywhere, even safe DM Iowa. I just don't want to look back and say, "I shouldn't have let them do that." I'm going to do that enough, but hopefully they will still be alive and I can tell them I'm sorry.

This weekend, I took the boys into the back yard with my old Red Ryder BB gun and showed them how to shoot. We are still working on the safety thing, boys seem to think pointing a gun at your brother is pretty funny. They can't even cock the single pump gun, so I have to do it for them, so I'm right on them so they don't shoot something they aren't supposed to. I set up 4 pop cans at a distance of about 25 feet. I taught them how to use the site and gave Makiah a few shots to try and hit something, no good. I turned the gun over to Mason and showed him how to use the site and he proceeded to hit a can on 3 of his first 4 shots, not bad. I went back to Makiah and after a few more explanations, he was hitting cans on almost every shot. I only had a few BB's, since they were still in the gun from the last time I shot it 15 years ago and I have since lost any packages of BB's, so the shooting just lasted a bit until we were out. I was amazed at how well they did for having never shot a gun and they don't play any gun video games, moms orders. I don't think Marcy was very happy with the whole gun thing, but this is what boys do, including Mason and Makiah(that was a reference to me, since Marcy says she has 4 boys). I also have a BB pistol, so I broke that out so they could shoot it, without BB's since I'm out, and they liked that to. Mom REALLY isn't happy about the pistol, but boys love them. I'm being sure to teach them safety, and as long as they don't shoot each other, themselves or any of the neighborhood animals, I think we will be OK. I do have a sandbox shitting cat that I MIGHT let them take a few shots at.

The Cheese

All of the birthdays in the house are done for the year, except for mine. It's hard to believe that the kids are getting so big. Mason turned nine the other day, so we had a evening out to celebrate. We had dinner at the families favorite restaurant, McDonalds. Just kidding, it was Carlos O'Kellys, which sounds like a Irish/Mexican restaurant, but turns out, just Mexican. Mason always eats well there, but the other two just want chips and salsa, cheap dates. We try to get them to eat something else, every time we go, but we usually just end up taking it home, to throw it away later. I'd say 90% of the time we take anything home from a restaurant, we throw it away because nobody will eat it. The evening was topped off with a trip to Chucky Cheese. I'm not a big fan of The Cheese, but the kids love it, and as a parent, you do tons of stuff you have zero interest in. They do have skeeball, which I like, but everything else is either so easy its boring, or just not my kind of fun. Makiah got in this 4-wheel drive truck that started rumbling and lifting. He asked me to get in, but there wasn't a chance in hell I could squeeze my legs into that thing. It didn't move a whole lot, but I found a lever that when pushed, made this thing do a wheelie, which scared the hell out of Makiah. That was fun. Makiah also decided that he wanted to play this semi truck driving simulator. Lets just say he is know where near being able to drive a real car. He wasn't talking on the phone or anything and he still spent 80% of his time, not only out of his lane, but off of the road. I fear for the people of WDM if he doesn't improve in the next 7 years. The whole time he was driving he had a scary laugh, he was really enjoying driving through the mall. We use to have one kid get sick every time we went, mainly because they crawled through the hamster habitrail thing, which every kid in a 50 mile radius had coughed and sneezed in. Now that they don't really get in that any more, we have been germ free. I also learned that 7pm on a wed. night is a pretty good time to go, the crowd was thin. I did see several adults getting angry at the amount of tickets they were winning at the games that are designed to just give tickets. If you've been, you know what I mean. If you have never had the privilege of running around, dodging kids and phlegm, at a Chucky Cheese, there are certain games that are for ticket whores. You flip a coin in a basket and it gives you a ticket. If you happen to get it in the thimble, it gives you 100 tickets. Kids can walk up, flip the lever and the ticket machine will spew tickets for an hour. I go up and try this and I spend $20 to get 20 tickets that buys a small sucker, hardly a fair exchange. Some of the kids walk around with hundreds of ticket, I have 7 in my pocket and I'm out of cash. You can't buy anything with 7 tickets, especially not a smile from the girl behind the counter when you try to trade your 7 for one of those 20 ticket suckers, not going to happen. Everyone tells me that I will miss these times when the kids get older and don't want to have anything to do with their old dad, but I'm guessing the Cheese won't be the thing I miss.

Hopefully funny

I was reading an article on the Des Moines Registers website, when a link to mug shots peaked my interest at the bottom of the page. I clicked on it and was entertained for a whole lunch hour. Below are some of my favorites, and what came to mind when I saw them. These are all people arrested in the DM area. By no means am I making fun of their crimes, situations or person, only the photos. Now with that disclaimer, I hope you enjoy, especially those of you who need a laugh.

This guy appears to have a tiny head in this picture.


Here is his big brother who fills the whole frame.


I see hard times have come to Mr. Kenny Rogers.



I think they made this guy suck a lemon before this shot.


OH GOD!!!!!! Not sure what she was areested for, but I'm guessing it wasn't prostitution.


I bet you can't guess what this guy was busted for. What, smoking pot, good guess.


I think this guy got run over before this shot.


This guy must have been busted for stealing a donut truck.


Were they asking him to read something without his glasses?


Santa or dude from the Oakridge Boys?


WOW! Very happy about being arrested.


"Move a little to your right. A little more, little more."


"Did you say smile or show you all of my teeth?"


Nice fro dude! I hope you weren't trying to hide behind a bush with that thing.


I think this guy is an alien, I'm pretty sure I saw him in the movie Men in Black.


I smell a lawsuit.


Was this guy electrocuted?


I looked up serial killer in the dictionary, same picture.


And finally, Doogie Howser, MD.

Why?

So I saw this a few weeks back, but didn't have photo evidence, so I passed on writing about it. Last night, I wasn't driving, so I was able to snap a picture of the situation in question.
Why would you put the crapper in the middle of the road? I know, by law, that they have to have a porta potty on the job site, but can't they put it on the side of the road, or around the corner? This is a street full of businesses, you can't stick it in the far corner of the parking lot? How comfortable would you be taking care of business as cars whizzed by right outside your thin plastic wall? I see stories all the time about people who are either texting, talking on the phone or just plain not paying attention, so they run off the road or whip across several lanes of traffic. now imagine you are in this crapper with your pants down when Johnny Distracted decides he needs to text his buddy about his plans for the evening, and WHAM!, you and your bare ass go flying across the intersection for all to see. Just put the damn thing in a less public spot, that's all I'm saying.

Drink up, it makes me laugh.

You may have seen this before, I hadn't, but it made me laugh. There appears to be one too many positions listed, but that is how I got it and I have no idea which position goes with which photo, so I can't fix it. Plus, it doesn't make it any less funny. I'm not promoting drinking, just laughing.

Savasana
Position of total relaxation.


Balasana
Position that brings the sensation of peace and calm.


Setu Bandha Sarvangasana
This position calms the brain and heals tired legs.


Marjayasana
Position stimulates the midirift area and the spinal comumn.


Halasana
Excelent for back pain and imsomnia.


Dolphin
Excelent for the shoulder area, thorax, legs, and arms.


Salambhasana
Great excersice to stimulate the lumbar area, legs, and arms.


Ananda Balasana
This position is great for masaging the hip area.


Malasana
This position, for ankles and back muscles.


Pigeon
Tones the body, and builds flexibility and helps get rid of 'stress'.


So, lets start drinking ..............

Meals update

For those of you not in the Des Moines area, the Meals From the Heartland weekend extravaganza was last weekend, and I happy to say that over 4 million meals were prepared to ship within the US and all around the world. I'm glad to know that some of the meals will go to the area I was in in South Africa, some will go to Frankie in Mexico, whose mission I have worked at and written about many times, and some are going to New Mexico, which I can only guess is the Navajo reservation that I visited a year or so ago. I've seen the kids that will receive these meals, which makes it that much more powerful an experience. Here I am with my Mission Juarez/El Paso, now Mission Rio Grande, group.


We had a lot of fun doing it. Mason and Makiah got to go with their school to assemble meals and they both loved it, especially Makiah. He is going to be the next missionary in our house. He always wants to go with me and I can't wait until he is old enough to go on his first trip. I'm all ready getting excited to go to El Paso again, even though it is a long ways away. Next year, we are going down as a family to work, that should be a lot of fun. I wish we could blow the doors off 4 million, even though that is a huge number. The need is so great, but the money has to be there. They said a meal costs $.25, so that is really cheap. Our group assembled 15 boxes, each contained 36 packets, which in turn feeds 6 people, one meal. That comes out to 3240 meals we prepared in and hour and a half, amazing. The one bad thing about doing stuff like this, is I never feel I did enough. I wanted to build more, our whole team did. Maybe next year we can build 5 million meals:)

Wanna go?

As I write this, I'm sad to say that a return trip to Africa doesn't appear to be in the cards for 2010. I guess I won't rule it out, but chances appear to be slim. So what does that mean for missions trips in 2010? I'm glad you asked. My yearly trip to El Paso/Juarez is a go. There is also a possibility for a return trip to Jamaica, this time for a little community service instead of a vacation. Did you notice the title of this post? Would you like to go? The trip planning is in the early stages, but if all goes well, I'll be spending some time in the sun next year. The area I stayed in last time has a community center that needs finishing and hopefully, I'll be working on that, but I'll need help. This trip won't be through my church, this is being organized by my friend Michelle and her friend Brooke, who is still serving there. I won't give the whole story of what they were doing there, I think I've covered that 1000 times, but if you are new to my blog, here is a link to Brooke's site which should give you the story, plus a few shots of the community center I will be working on. I'm not even sure if the trip will happen, but if God is telling you to get up and do something, serve your brothers and sisters, keep this in mind. You can read about my last trip to Jamaica my selecting the Jamaica category on the right. Hope you can go with me.

Out of the mouths of babes

Two things heard from my kids tonight:

Max had just gotten out of the bath and told me he washed his body, including his "peanuts." Penis, peanuts, it's all the same.

Mason was waiting his turn in the bathroom and somehow received a shock from a fuzzy sock, to which he exclaimed, "That shocked the hell out of me."

Where do they get that shit?

Misc and Meals from the Heartland

The toilet seat in the bathroom at work is broken. I don't mean that you can't put it up or down, but that it is snapped in half on one side. Now, if you need to sit down (sorry for the too much information part of this), you have to make an ass pillow out of toilet paper so the two sides don't decide to come together while you are seated and rip a gash in your ass that will be hard to heal and hard to sit down with. What are people doing in there that they snap a toilet seat in half? Perhaps it's better to not know.

School. OK, I hated school when I had to go, but I may hate it more now than I ever did. The boys come home with more homework than I ever remember doing when I was a kid. They both have spelling words that we have to study every night, plus they both have to read 20 minutes a night. We have to be there making sure they read and Makiah has to read to us, otherwise he will just say he did it, wonder where he got that trait from? Mason will read if you tell him to, so at least we don't have to police him. Mason also has 10 minutes of "Positive math," whatever the hell that is. I'm guessing dad's red face and constant whimpering does not fit into the Happy math, or whatever it is. Sounds like the stuff you always hear comedians talk about, how we just try to make everything so happy and easy for the kids, well that ain't the real world, so do your negative math. I know math sucks, that is why God invented calculators, buy a good one and never have to do it again. I hope we can get into a better rhythm because after a busy day at work, the last thing I want to do is 4 hours of homework. They can't do all of it on their own, how do you tell yourself to spell a word without looking at it to know what it is. Well now you just saw how to spell it, hardly a challenge.

I saw something today that will NEVER happen to me. I saw a guy with stuffed animals in the back window of his car. Not one or two, but the whole back window was full of them. It could have been his wife's car, but I'm not driving the car if you are going to do that. You might as will pull over and let the ass kicking begin, cause that is reason enough to have it kicked.

We went to Makiah's first soccer game yesterday and it's good to see that our team will be the one getting the snot knocked out of it for another season. My mom use to say "get the snot knocked out of them" instead of getting the shit kicked out them, so I wanted to use it there. Obviously, the language is a bit nicer and I think she might have been trying to take the sting of getting beaten so badly. In this case, shit is actually the proper term. I don't keep score, but my guess would be 32 to 2, and I'm only slightly exaggerating.

I went to church Saturday night and our minister was talking about the Meals from the Heartland food packaging that is happening this weekend. I know I've talked about it before, but if you are new to my blog, you might not have heard about it. Meals from the Heartland teams up with Kids Against Hunger to assemble food packets for hungry people all over the world. I was fortunate enough to participate in building the meals with my church a few years back and it was not only easy, but a lot of fun. MFTH has taken it too an all new level. Last year, they asked central Iowa to step up and build these packets, and they did to the tune of 4 million meals. Think about the number of people fed do to the efforts of Iowans who care. This year, I don't know what their gaol is, but lets hope we surpass that. I'm heading down Sunday night with my Juarez mission group. Not only will I have a great time hanging with my friends, but we get to do something for people we will never meet, but who we love and want to help. I've mentioned it before, but my minister hit on it this weekend when he answered the question, "Why help people so far away, when there are so many here that need help?" God doesn't tell us to serve our geographical neighbors, he says to serve His children. It doesn't say anywhere in the Bible that Americans are God's children and the rest are on their own, although we as Americans act that way alot. No, he says in Matthew 25:40, "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." I bring this up because as I sat there, watching the same video I saw last year, I just about had the most severe allergy attack I've had in awhile. The video was shot last year when they took some of the meals down to Haiti, the only 4th world country in the western hemisphere. The meals were in the back of a truck and the people were lining up to receive their meager allotment of the packets. As the line grew, people at the back of the line were getting worried that they weren't going to receive anything, so the pushing began. Now remember, this isn't the day after Thanksgiving at a suburban mall in the US where people are trampling each other to get the toy of the day. No these are people trying to get food, something that they have nothing of and tomorrow, when this truck is gone, they still won't have. The crowd got so crazy that they actually shut the doors of the truck until it calmed down. I have seen this video before, but I think I watched it without LOOKING at it. Saturday, I looked into the eyes of the people on the screen and man it hit me hard. My fat ass can't make it from breakfast until lunch without complaining how hungry I am, and these people haven't eaten in days, maybe longer. To watch the mothers reaching their hands out to try and get a packet, which they probably won't eat but give to their kids instead, was heart breaking. I can't get the images out of my head. I will spend Sunday night doing what I love to do, hang with my friends and serve a God who has guided me on this path. That service, along with the thousands of other people packed into the convention hall in downtown Des Moines, will send hope and love to Haiti, along with some much needed food. I defy anyone who asks me, "why there and not here?" to watch that video, look into those eyes, and ask me that question again.