OCTOBER!

My last post was a long way back. As you may know, my life has been crazy. Not in the way where people say their lives are crazy because they are busy, but crazy in trying to be a part time single parent (thankfully, its just part time), trying to stay caught up at work, which is extremely busy, which I am thankful for, and trying to deal with extreme disappointments that came out of no where, from a source I never expected. Life, it is what it is. They say what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. Just call me Popeye. Since I'm not going to use my blog as a whine fest, or call out those people in my life that have disappointed me (I celebrate Christmas, not festivess, and if you didn't watch Seinfeld, then you don't know what that is), I thought I might share a few more mug shots that made me laugh.

First of, this nine year old must have been caught skipping elementary school.

And this years award for hairiest guy goes too:

Can't you just see the attitude in this picture? I'm guessing there were some naughty words during her arrest, just guessing.

You'll never guess what this lady was arrested for. Prostitution. I hope at the end of the day, she is still broke, cause that is scary.

Bad Santa.

Is this the second coming of Jesus?

I'm not sure this guy understands he has just been arrested.

Not sure what happened here, but is that Linda Blair?

Two things here. He appears to have either a bandage or piece of paper on top of his head. Second, is that his lip or is he sticking out his tongue?

And finally, the most inappropriate comment of the day, "Don't make me tell you again!"


Disclaimer: beating a woman is never acceptable, it was a joke, so don't post nasty comments.

Can you post a picture like that?

If you know me, you know my sense of humor can be called, juvenile, at times. When I hear my 5 year old say “crap,” I think that is funny, inappropriate for a 5 year old to say, but no less funny. When I wedged a Lego between my toes and it hurt like hell, and I let it be known by saying “Fucking toy,” I meant it. When my then 5 year old son repeated it from the next room, funny. When mom heard me say it and then him repeat it, not so funny. If I hear a name of a person that seems close to a word that might be considered naughty or questionable, that’s funny to me. Example, we have a teacher, I’m sure a fine teacher, whose last name is Spick. When I was growing up, not a nice word. So to hear someone has that word as their name, funny. It’s like if you met a guy and his name was Richard Penis. I would laugh for a week on that one. I’m giggling now and I just made it up. So why am I bringing this up? Well, I was working in our garden the other day, getting more vegetables out of it than we have in months, when I saw we had some more carrots to dig up. There were several that had grown together, so I worked hard to get them out, and this is what I saw.


Right away, I see legs, and more. Maybe the “normal” person sees some carrots grown together, but I see a big carrot penis, I’m sorry. I wish I could stop it, but I can’t. You might ask, why is it a big deal, this defect you have to see odd or funny things in objects that are neither funny or appropriate? When I held the carrot anatomy lesson up to show Marcy, she knew exactly what I saw in it. That’s a bad thing, because before she met me, I guarantee you she would have thought nothing of it. I’m a bad influence on my wife, I know that, and I apologize. But come on, I’m not wrong that it looks like a carrot dude, who I might add is very un-proportionate. Right?

I solemly swear

Today, I make this promise to both of my blog readers. This is my last picture of my office bathroom. This month. Our "Never out" toilet paper dispensers have been replace with your standard holder. We all ready have one causualty.

I'm amazed at the trouble we have had in this department.

You tell me

What are they trying to sell here? This was an add I found on the internet.

Don't ever say that they don't use sex to sell. Not that you would say that anyway.

Mystery

Every Friday, we get donuts at our office. It's a great perk from a company that all ready supplies me Coca-Cola all day. Notice I didn't just say Coke, for fear of a random search that would lead to a visit from the local authorities. Most Fridays, after the first wave of employee's have taken their donut of choice, there are always a few stragglers that weren't selected, either because people are gone so there are extras, or because that particular donut just doesn't appeal to anyone. Now the rest of the day, those donuts just sit there, getting dry, hard and having little chance of being taken. But there is something that happens to these donuts, that confuses me. If you watch them, they start to disappear, not one at a time, but piece by piece. Here is a shot I took after the first wave. You will notice that there is a knife in the box, which is weird.

I left and came back awhile later.

You can see that we have lost a piece of this donut. I came back a bit later and you can see we have a second victim.

A little later and you can see that a second attack on this cherry filled donut has occurred.

Then we have a third victim.

You can see that some of the "bites" are small, so I'm not sure why they are doing it. I mean, would you go into an office break room and pick up a donut that has been hacked up by who knows who? My thought is, either take the whole donut or stick to the diet you are trying to be true too. As the day goes on, these donuts disappear, so maybe other people don't mind eating them. Or, my guess is, the same person comes back again and again, taking it piece by piece. Maybe they think that if you take the entire day to eat a donut, that it somehow will not register the same number of calories. Here is my thought on all of this. Take the fricking donut to your desk and hack it up at your leisure, but I guess that's just me.

Dude, you said no more.

Hear me out, I'm not in the same shitter, this is different. Apparently my pictures and confusion has struck a cord with people, or at least Chad. Maybe we shouldn't judge the level of interest in this subject by him, since he was the one that took a picture of me using the facilities in South Africa.

That being said, Chad sent me a photo of another confusing placement of a toilet paper dispenser.

I've seen paper towel dispensers that aren't that high. I'm not sure if they were just trying to get it over the handicap poles, then didn't want to mess up the tiles, or if the guy hanging it has a torso that is 6 feet long, so this is the proper height while he is sitting down. Perhaps he only stands to get his paper. I'm not sure, but I did find this was worthy of a post, fits right in with most of my posts for the past month. I'm now on a mission to document all of the crazy stuff I see in bathrooms, so lock the stall if I'm with you.

No bathroom mentions in this post

I learned something yesterday, that I will need to keep in mind going forward. Makiah has never been to an actual football game and hasn’t seen very many on TV. Those that he has watched, I wouldn’t say he watched with undivided attention. This helps me in this way. I was mowing the grass last night and came across a football in my path, so not wanting to kill the engine to move it, I whistled for Makiah who was playing nearby so he could come move it. Is that lazy? Of course, but that isn’t the issue. He grabbed the football and I decided that I would show my manly manliness and whistled for him to toss the ball to me. I then killed the engine, which I was too lazy to do a minute ago, and punted the football across the yard. Now I have a pretty big yard, and Makiah was mightily impressed, giving me an ego boosting “Whoaaaaaaa!” I started the mower and proceeded on my way. The issue here is, Makiah’s perception of what is a big kick. Since he hasn’t seen a real game, it appears I’m the Worlds Best Punter, which is where my lesson comes in. I should NEVER take Makiah to a real football game or allow him to watch any punting on TV. I will keep my status as the Worlds Best Punter, he never needs to know the truth. A dad always wants to be the hero in their kids eyes, this is one way I can pad my stats and hopefully help make up for the lost points when I can’t do something. Perhaps he will think, “At least he can kick a football really far.” As long as he never sees a real kicker, he will never know that my 10 yard punt will get you nothing. Except for maybe a contract to kick for the Washington Redskins. Sorry, still bitter about last week’s loss.

Dude, get out of the bathroom.

So my last post, looks like I posted it in 2009, was about the new bathrooms at my office and how I couldn't quite figure out how the paper towel dispenser worked. Well I'm here to tell you the mystery will not be solved on my watch. Apparently, the dispenser wasn't a hit, so we changed over to these:

The old new dispenser was cast aside like the old one that was replaced just a week ago.

I was told that this next picture is the definition of irony. First, a close up.

Now, the irony.

I promise, this is my last post about the shitter.

Can you spare a square?

Our office recently updated and remodled our bathrooms. They are really nice, but I have a few questions.

1. Why is the toilet paper roll so far away from the toilet?

Most people are going to have to get up, just to get some paper. Seems like there should be a stud a bit closer to attach this to.

2. This is our new paper towel dispenser. I'm not sure if you can see it or not, but there are actually 2 places for the paper to come out, but only one button to push to get it out.

If it alternates, depending on the weight it detects, won't they both run out at the same time? Does one side go completely out before the other side kicks in? We will see.

I was reading an article about a marlin that "attacked" a boat. The problem with this is, the marlin was being caught by a person on the boat, so they are pulling the fish to the boat. Now they act like it's some big surprise that the fish came to the boat. Isn't it animal instinct to either flee or fight, and since it's flee was being taken away, it "attacked?" I guess I'm not surprised, but I don't fish, so maybe all the beer they drank before hooking this clouded their brain. Here is a shot of it.


In case you missed it, here are a few shots of the loading dock at my office last week. It flooded 3 days in a row, the last was the worst.

This is our parking lot.

That's our Fair.

I went to see MercyMe and the Newsboys the other night in concert at the Iowa State Fair. I’m really please that the fair continues to bring in Christian acts and love to see that they are well attended. I hope they continue to bring them in. We got to the fair a little early so I could check out the photography that is in one of the buildings. A friend of mine had submitted a few shots and I wanted to see them in a “art show” format with a bunch of other photos. She is very talented and actually sells her stuff on the Internet, here. My favorite picture is Morning Glory Bee, check that one out. She also has pictures hanging in the WDM library, so I check them out whenever I go. Anyway, I saw two of her shots, one won Honorable Mention, so that was cool. I was amazed at some of the youth photos and art, I hope their parents are encouraging them because there was some really cool stuff. The best thing about the fair is people watching, which we were able to do as I ate my $5.00 walking taco that had $1.50 worth of ingredients, at best. The girl asked me what I wanted on it, and since it was $5.00 no matter what, I said to put it all on. A second girl brought it over, which the order taker girl looked at it and told her to put jalapenos on it as well. I guess the second girl thought she said “Put ALL of our jalapenos on it” because I got a Doritos bag full of peppers. I didn’t notice it until I got to my people viewing spot and sat down to eat. I LOVE jalapenos, but this was too much, even for me, so I had a small pile at one end of the bag when I was done. I hope everyone knows what a walking taco is, or I’ve just confused you with my Doritos talk. I could have been a salesman for walking tacos that night, because everyone that walked by said, “Ooh, walking taco.” Back to people watching. My favorite game is, “What were they thinking when they chose their outfit for the day?” Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for being who you are, but a bit of modesty or intelligence, ok. For example, I’m way past my 155 pound days, I’m in the 220 pound days, which means that no shirt, no service, no appetite. I’m well aware that I no longer have the body to walk around in public with either no shirt or very little shirt. No, my wardrobe now consists of shirts that are long enough to cover my gut, and, I wear a belt that keeps my pants up high enough so you can’t see my underwear, or worse, my ass crack. This brain cell has been lost on a number of my fellow Iowans. The 20 something girls with their bellies, live it up girls, show it off, cause it won’t last. But the 30 something and even 40 something ladies, let’s try to keep the gut covered, with a second shirt if you have to. I know it’s hot, but if it is so hot for you that you can’t keep your clothes on, perhaps you should stay home today. Now, if you have the belly to show, think about whether others even WANT to see it. Another thing. If your breasts are double D’s, perhaps a bathing suit top, short shorts and flip-flops isn’t the best outfit for a family event. I’m not a prude, in fact these are the subjects of my favorite time at the fair, just think you might want to tone it down a bit in a family setting. On top of that, there are a lot of drunks there and you are setting yourself up for some cat calls, but perhaps that is the goal. I know those Luggs boots, I think that is what they are called, are popular, but they look like they would be really hot on a 110 degree day. I saw a bunch of teenage girls wearing them out there, made my feet sweat just looking at them. (Man, that sounds bad out of context) Don’t think I’m just picking on the ladies, the dudes had a lot to be desired as well. There were several guys with no shirt on. I’m not offended by a shirtless guy, but a shirtless sweaty guy walking in a crowd is worse, to me, than a shirted sweaty guy walking through that same crowd. You get too close and you got sweaty guy sweat all over you and that ain’t good at any time, let alone while you’re trying to eat a walking jalapeno taco. I mentioned that I wear a belt, which a lot of the guys at the fair do as well, but the gut causes the belt to be completely ineffective. My understanding is, that a belt is supposed to hold your pants up, but 98% of the large guys wearing belts are also showing 98% of their ass. I’d rather see a 40 year old belly, than a 50 year old crack. Maybe it’s just me. My boss had called me and told me he saw a picture of me at the fair. I instantly wondered if it was in one of the barns, but he said it was in the Varied Industries building in a booth for Blessman Ministries, the organization I went to South Africa with. Since we were there early, Marcy and I headed over and found the booth. We were looking at the pictures when a guy who was manning the booth came over and asked if we knew someone in the photo. Little bit. We were fortunate to be in the booth when Doc Blessman and his wife, Beth, came by. He told us about the next project and how they were going to try and use the bricks I've talked about before. The machine that makes the bricks was outside, so we were able to see that as well. It was really cool, I wish I could go to help them with the building, but I think a trip of that size is a bit out of my price range at this point. It would be cool to be on the first crew that built the Abods and the first crew to build with the bricks. Maybe I start playing the lottery.

Welcome back

No, this isn't a tribute to the show Welcome Back Cotter, which I was a huge fan of back in the day. I recently saw the show again and laughed exactly zero times, so I'm not sure what I saw in it all those years ago. The thing I remember the most is an episode in which Vinny Barberino, played by Mr. John Travolta, was trying to get his friend Freddy "Boom Boom" Washington off drugs. He pretended to take drugs and wanted more, so he kept saying "Gimme drugs, Gimme drugs." It was by far the worst acting I had ever seen, and it now makes me laugh because I love John Travolta so much. No, this Welcome Back refers to us being back in the hospital. It seems that Marcy just can't get enough of tubes up her nose and jammed in her arm, so we are back. This time, we are in a brand new hospital located in the actual town we live in, so no need to bother with that 15 minute drive to the down town hospital. It wasn't a bad drive, I'm obviously kidding, but this new hospital means I have a few minute drive to get home to take care of what ever I need to. I must say, this place is amazing. The lobby looks more like a fancy hotel than a hospital. They have a coffee bar as soon as you walk in, but it looks like a bar in a fancy hotel, and I don't mean coffee. A few things are the same. They tell Marcy over and over again to get some rest, then come in every 5 minutes and wake her to see if she needs anything. I don't think I will ever understand that. The room is bigger than the ones down town and the couch is a lot longer than the ones in previous rooms. It isn't any more comfortable, in fact less comfortable, if you can believe it, but at least I can be uncomfortable with my legs fully extended. It also isn't very wide, which I am, so if I lay on my back, one shoulder touches the back cushion and the other hangs off the butt cushion. They have a flat screen TV and a DVD player, so at least there is a little entertainment during daytime TV. The elevator has a dark wood in it, but it smells like cedar. When your hospital is fancier than your house, you start to think about moving in permanently. I took this picture of the toilet, which has a unique design. I'm sure it is to hold the "hats" that catch all out put, if you have to have that measured, but to me it looks like a guys head. Do you see it?


I thought about putting something in the toilet, then make no mention of it to see what comments I got, but that was even a little too gross for me, so I skipped it. Your welcome.

Now this is what you call misc.

As I'm sure you have noticed, I'm posting as often as Haley's comet comes around. It's not for the lack of stuff I want to write about, I just can't seem to find the time. If you thought I had run out of stuff that pisses me off, or makes me laugh, let this post put that out of your mind. I apologize for the randomness of this, but I have the time, so I'm cramming it all in.

I have to ask, does this add make sense? I went to an MMA bout a month or so ago and we sat at a table with a bunch of sponsor cards on the table. This one for a local bar made me wonder if I'm missing something or if this is just stupid.
"Thirsty Thursday, $10 All you can drink, free"
Am I missing something? Is there a new definition of "free" that I'm not aware of? How is $10, free? Inflation is a bitch.

I'm not sure how it works in you area, but here in Des Moines, there are a few convenience stores that have air for your car tires. Near my house, there are 3, 2 are free and the other costs $1.00. I'm a cheap ass, so I go to the free ones, but 95% of the time, they are broken. What is up with things that they are so fragile? Are they made by Fisher Price? Why can't they get these things up and running, and keep them running. This wouldn't be such a big deal, if I could find a different one that worked, like by my office. There is one free air pump by my office, which is broken as well. I don't have an issue with paying a dollar, but I never have a dollar in change in the car and I'm too damn lazy to go inside, just for change. I did find one that worked in MN, but I didn't have my tire gauge, so I couldn't use it to its full potential. Why is the air such a big deal? Well my car has a warning that comes on when a tire is low, but it doesn't tell you which one. You can't shut that light off until you get the air right, but I can't do that, so I have to look at that light every time I get in the car and it's starting to drive me nuts.

On my trip to MN a little while back, two things stuck out to me. First, in a stretch of 6 miles, I know it was six miles because it was in a construction zone and the sign said 6 miles, I passed 3 state troopers. That might not be a big deal in a lot of places, but in the middle of know where Iowa, it seems a bit extreme. I passed one 20 minutes before the zone and I passed 2 more after the zone, before the IA/MN border. That is 6 cops on an interstate cutting through some of the least populated areas of Iowa. Second, I have a very embarrassing thing happen to me on the drive up. I watched in the mirror as I was approached from behind by a disturbing sight. Then, in a flash, it whizzed passed me and I snapped this photo, if you can see it through the vapors.

Yes, that is a Smart car, and I think being passed by this type of car basically makes you an old man, so that's not good for me.

Also, while in MN, we went to a lake that Marcy visits regularly when she is up there. I have to say that the people of MN really know how to get the use of their 10,000 lakes (That is what there nickname is, if you didn't know) The lake we walked around had 2 paved paths, one for walkers and one for bikers/roller bladers. That is an awesome idea and the lake was packed with people getting use of both lanes. There was a ton of stuff to do, swimming, boating along with the previously mentioned walking, biking and roller blading. We walked around to a path that led you to another lake that had this:

A really cool place to listen to music just off the late. We sat for a short time and listened to a dog with a high pitched bark try to drown out the symphony that was trying to interrupt his repeated barking. If your dog won't shut the hell up when in public, why would you take it to a concert? Just because you can? Seemed a bit rude to me.

I mentioned in an earlier post that we are now playing slug bug. I wanted to say that MN has a crap load of Bugs and PT Cruisers. Marcy and I spent the weekend beating the crap out of each other and I noticed something on one of my sightings. I turned and punched Marcy in the arm and pointed to the Volkswagen. When I looked in the car, I saw that they were watching us and laughing. I realized that the people who were in the car must actually like watching people punch each other, just because they are near with their car. Kind of makes you want to get one, doesn't it?

We took Makiah to Toys-R-Us the other day to pick out his birthday present. While we were there, Marcy spotted this sign:

OK, why would you even print a sign that brags about saving "over a dollar" on a nearly $100 item? If you can't see it, the original price is $99.99, so while the savings IS over a dollar, its over a dollar by $.01. Hardly seems worth the paper it's printed on. Are they f'ing with us, or are they seriously promoting a $1.01 sale on a $100 item?

We have a 2001 Dodge Caravan. It has been a good car, but is starting to fall apart. One thing that broke a few years back, is the passenger side window no longer rolls down. It hasn't really been an issue, until recently, when the air conditioner went out. Now, we only had one window that goes down and the back of the van on a 100 degree day gets a bit steamy. We went down to Mt. Pleasant to pick up the boys, who had spent a week at Uncle Rob and Aunt Stacy's house (which they loved) On the way home, with one window down and the wind blowing in air that felt like it was coming out of an oven, Makiah informed us that he was going to throw up. I don't know if it was all because of the heat, but it certainly didn't help the situation. We pulled off the highway in Oskaloosa to get the boys something to eat and to cool off a bit. As we were approaching the turn into Mcdonalds, the van died. This is never a good thing, but at this time in our lives, a big car repair bill was not something I wanted to think about. Marcy got it started, but the van coughed and sputtered and wanted to die again. I told Marcy not to turn in front of the on coming traffic, seeing as how it might die and we would get t-boned. We drove a little further at a blistering pace of a few miles an hour, where it died again, right on the railroad tracks. I've heard about cars getting hit by trains and I could never figure out how. Now I know one possibility. Marcy got it going again and I shut off the "air conditioner" that was currently blow warm air. The van stopped sputtering and we were able to get it out of the road. Long story just slightly shorter, we were able to get the car home without an further incident. It was starting to get dark, so it was much cooler. I was terrified to take it to a mechanic so they could tell me I could pay $800 to fix the window or $1000 to fix the AC. I have no idea what it would have been, but I didn't want to hear it. We had been talking to Marcy's dad, while in Mt Pleasant and on the drive home, and he said he would help us get a new safe van for, really, Marcy and the boys to ride around in. I rarely drive the van, except for the last 6 months, so I was glad that they would soon have a safe reliable vehicle to get to MN and school. Marcy's parents picked out a van and kept it a secret from us until they showed up with it. It is fantastic, lots of cool features including dual dvd players to keep the boys occupied on trips. I got to drive it for a few days while Marcy was out of town, but she has it now and I'm guessing I'll never drive it again. But that's ok, the best features are aimed at the passengers, and that is what I will be soon.

OK, I'm tired, that is enough for now.

Day one complete

Well day one is in the books and I can't tell you how glad I am that I scheduled this. Todays course had 21 holes and is built around a campground. There are several ponds that come into play, but they are pretty easy to navigate around, or over. I had printed off a map from the Internet, but left it in the car and was to lazy to walk back to get it, even though it was only a short distance. My hope was that I would be able to figure it out just by looking, which for the most part, I was. The first 14 holes are in and out of the woods, but mainly in. The last 7 are out in the open, so you don't have to be as careful and can just throw the disc as hard as you can. I loved the course. I met the owner of the campground and talked about the course and the improvements that he has made and is currently working on. Some of the holes still have dirt tee boxes, but most are concrete and the rest are framed up, just waiting to pour the concrete. He said he is holding a disc golf tournament in Sept., with music and other activities, sounds like fun. I'm not really into tournaments, I just play for fun, but he is calling it "Discstock," so I bet it will be a drunk bash. I'm going to try and set up a weekend trip with friends to hit a few courses each day, maybe we start or finish here. The owner asked me if I thought of any changes he could make. I suggested he have the snake removed from the 7th fairway, scared the crap out of me. He reminded me it was just a garter, I informed him I could care less. To me, a garter is the same as a rattler. Got the heart rate up. I should have asked him if he could do anything about the skeeters, they are as big as sparrows.

The day continued to heaven, lunch at White Castle. (Yes I'm aware that I have an issue here) I had forgotten that I left my GPS in the van, which Marcy now had in MN, so I had to rely on my memory from 4 months ago as to where it was. I am totally motivated when it comes to the Castle, found it on my first try in a city I have no idea how to get around in. I remembered how to get to the hotel and they allowed me to check in early. I was able to hit the pool and hot tub, which I had all to myself, so the morning and afternoon were great. I really enjoyed my day and I'm looking forward to my trip to the other course tomorrow. I was going to try and squeeze it in before my meeting, but I think I will save it until after. I might be able to hit the Castle before I head home on Sat. Keep your fingers crossed, all of mine are.

Officer, I was just playing a game.

Wow! Has it been that long since I have posted anything other than mug shots that I make stupid comments about? Apparently so. Well here is my new post, but I'm guessing it won't be any smarter than "Sweet hair."

Little tip for you. I found a perfectly acceptable way to beat the crap out of your husband/wife, and the police can't do anything about it. You may have done it as a child. It has recently been made popular again by a commercial. If you haven't all ready guessed, its Slug Bug. I'm guessing you played it when you were a kid, but maybe you out grew it. Lets just say it is running rampant in our family, but luckily the kids haven't figured out that you are actually SUPPOSED to hit the person. They just say "Slug bug" and call it good. Marcy and I are in the front seat beating the shit out of each other. I know eventually we will be pulled over by the police and I will be removed from the vehicle, at gun point, for abusing my wife, which I am. I would like to point out that she is beating the crap out of me as well, but she isn't as good as I am at the game, so I'm guessing whoever called the police after witnessing our game, only saw me winning. Now I'm not one to promote abuse, in any way, but this one. Marcy has added a new twist that she learned from a friend, called Cruiser Bruiser. Same concept as Slug Bug, only for PT Cruisers. You would be amazed at how many Volkswagen bugs and PT Cruisers there are on the road. You'd also be quick to realize that it is much easier to excel at this game if you are ridding in the passenger seat, so you don't have to deal with those pesky road rules you have to pay attention to if you are driving. Marcy and I walked down to a nearby restaurant last night for dinner and then over to the library and then home. If people were watching us, they might think we were fighting for the number of times we hit each other. Luckily, we made it home, but there were police all over our neighborhood. Hmmmmm?

As I write this, I am preparing for a Disc golf outing that will take me to a few courses in MN that I have never played before. They will be my first ever "Pay to Play" courses, which I normally would be against. One of the things I love about disc golf is, it's free to play. Why would I pay to play a course when there are so many free ones nearby? Well, because the pictures of one of the courses makes it look like a real golf course. Most courses are in public parks and are basically paths cut through the woods, paths mowed in the grass or just baskets placed around an all ready established park. All that is great, but some don't get the care that would make them even nicer. I'm not complaining, if a disc golfer is one thing, its adaptable. If you want to play, and the course isn't a priority of the parks department, you have to deal with obstacles in your path, like picnic tables, playground equipment and an occasional person. You also have to deal with flooded tee boxes and fairways. Some of the courses don't have concrete tee boxes, so they are usually mud. A true disc golfer shrugs this off and throws from either the middle of the mud, or steps three feet to the side and throws from the pile of garbage that people left behind, and the parks department doesn't feel the need to clean up. The course I'm playing on Friday looks like Tiger Woods might step out of the club house to play a round. I'll try to get some pictures and update you on my day. Tomorrows course is a big one, 21 holes, but looks like a lot of fun. I have my sun screen and bug spray all ready to go. I'll haul some water with me, since the heat index was 116 degrees today. Maybe it will be cooler in the north. Wish me luck.

Not again...

Here are a few more criminals.

First off, this guy was REALLY resisting.


Dude, dude, dude looks like a lady.


Excuse me sir, can you please look up?


Sir, can YOU look up?


This guys got fricking horns or something.


Song from the 80's or 90's, "Turn around, bright eyes."


SWEEEET HAIR!!!!!!!


Oops, she forgot her teeth.


And finally, this is an awesome mullet soul patch combo.

A few new ones

First, this is a girl. Second, I hope they serve donuts in jail.


Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!


This is an amazing flat top head.


Did you ever see the movie Beetlejuice?


And finally, this guy thinks he is on American Idol.

Good book

How do you rate a book? Is it by the way it makes you feel? By the amount of new information you learn? Or some other emotion? The kinds of books I read are either biographies about people I find interesting, about travel, or, just plain funny. I love Bill Bryson who combines travel and humor. I've read most of his books and recommend them to people who like smart, funny writing. I also like Dave Barry, who was a writer for the Miami Hearld, I'm not sure if he still is, but he also writes books that I find hilarious. I use to find out about a lot of the books I've read from a syndicated radio show, Mancow. That show is no longer on in the immediate Des Moines area, so I've had to look at ather sources for my reading material. I found an article the other day in the DSM Register about a guy from Ankeny, Iowa, just north of me, who wrote a book. The story sounded good. He left a good job with a company in Denver to become a truck driver so he could write a book about all of his adventures. I pulled up his website and found that his humor might just be right up my alley. I'm a few chapters in and I have to say that, so far, I was 100% right. How do I judge a book? If it makes me LOL (Laugh Out Loud), its a good book. It made me cry last night. Marcy even made me read it out loud, she said because she wanted to see what was so funny, but my guess it was to see how far off the deep end I have gone. She thought it was funny, but since there was a lot of the "F" word, not as big a fan. I hope the rest of it is just as funny, because it is one of those books that I just don't want to put down.

Lizard update

Due to popular demand, with half my reading audience requesting it, I decided to post a lizard update. OK, it was one request, which technically is a third of my readership, soooooo.

I must say that I was a little skeptical about a lizard. What can you do with a lizard? Is it like fish, you just watch them? Turns out, you can do very little with a lizard and yes, they are like fish, although watching them eat is far more interesting. He doesn't move much, so sitting in front of his tank for an extended period of time just isn't a good use of your time. It is pretty cool to see him in different parts of the tank and changing colors to blend in. We have a smaller tank that we now keep his dinner in, crickets. We buy crickets at the local pet store. I was keeping them in the bag I bought them in, but was realizing that several were dying before I could feed them to him. I had the idea to put them in this other tank and feed them so we could get our monies worth. Turns out, we pay almost $5 for 36 crickets and he is eating about 5 crickets a day. I certainly didn't want to get 36 crickets and only be able to feed him 30 or so. I read on the internet that you can feed the crickets pretty much anything, it's called gut loading, then that food is transferred to the lizards. Since we always have carrots, apples and strawberries in the house, that is what I have been feeding them. It seems to be working. Since I started this new system, we haven't lost any of the crickets to an early death. We are hoping to catch our own crickets in the yard soon, so we can cut down on our purchasing of crickets, but I need to read on the internet to be sure that "wild" crickets are safe for a lizard. I would think so, but you never know. He seems to be doing well. He has been taken out of his tank twice and has escaped from the kids hands both times. Thankfully, Makiah is very good at catching him, so we don't have any dead lizards in the vents, yet. Today we are going to work on cleaning out the cage, hopefully we don't loose him.

We won! Well, I didn't win.

Per my last post, we have a new addition to our family. A green anole named Kirby. Here is his first baby picture.

When he first got home, the boys moved him from his small traveling cage to a 10 gallon tank that was all decorated up for him. He has a climbing area, a long stick that goes down to the ground, he is lying on that in this photo and then we have a bunch of fake leaves for him to hide in. I wasn't there when he was moved, but I understand there was an escape and a re-capture. I got home and went right to the tank to check out the little guy, but couldn't locate him. The boys were gone and to be honest, I wasn't 100% sure what he looked like or how big he was. I texted Marcy that I was getting concerned because I still hadn't located him after a 5 minute search. Finally, I located him in the leaves. It was a lot smaller than I had anticipated. (That's what she said)Sorry, that is my The Office quote that I'm addicted to and I can't help myself most days. I typically say it under my breath, but this one had to be published. I was glad I finally located him and now would have an easier time finding him since I knew what he looked like. He is a pretty cool little guy. I'm amazed at how much of a range of color he actually has. He goes from a dark green to a dark brown and blends in to the leaves very well. I fed him some crickets and watched him eat one, pretty cool. I know the boys are going to like watching him all summer, or until they get bored with him and he becomes my responsibility. Probably next Tuesday.

You may have seen that I actually had a night to myself the other night and I can't tell you how good it felt to just have to take care of myself. I didn't have to figure out what to feed 3 of the pickiest eaters in the world. I only had to do a few dishes, clean up one mess and I didn't have to tell one person not to do that. I love my boys, but we have been together alot for the past 4 months and I needed a break. I made myself a great dinner, no peanut butter or jelly involved and watched a pretty funny movie, Zombieland. I didn't have to argue about brushing teeth at bedtime and I didn't have to get out of bed 5 times to tell anyone to go to sleep. It was a break. I picked them up from Michelle the next afternoon and within an hour, we were arguing again. Ahhhh, parenting.

Funny thing happened on Saturday. Our cellular phone contract is up, so that means we get either new free phones, or new inexpensive phones. I went into the local Verizon store to learn why Verizon changed their plans, so if I got the same phone I currently carried, I would have to change my plan and it would cost me an extra $10 per phone per month. The guy was very helpful and explained they added a "limited" data plan to those phones, my guess was to get people hooked on using email or internet on their phone and then they will bump up to the full data package, which is $30 more a month. My current financial situation doesn't have room for an extra $20 per month, let alone $60 a month. I found our new phones and was getting mine set up, but the guy was going to re-activate Marcy's old one since she was in MN and unable to get her new phone. She would be able to go into the store when she got home and have her address book and stuff moved over. When the guy tried to re-activate her phone, it said it was on the "lost or stolen" list. Flash back to Sept. of 2009 when Marcy lost her phone, so I called Verizon and had it de-activated. She found it a short time later, so I called Verizon and they re-activated the phone. Now, after she used the phone for 8 months, they are telling me its still on the lost or stolen list. Nice list. The phone is on it and can still be used? Doesn't sound like a good system. Long story short, they couldn't re-activate her old phone, so now she is without one. I activated her phone and decided to overnight it to her, which wouldn't get there until Tuesday because of the holiday. I get to the shipping place and the guy says UPS and FedEx have all ready picked up, but I had 20 minutes to get to the post office. I went as fast as I could and made it with 2 minutes to spare. Now I just hope it actually gets there, especially if Marcy is able to come home next week, I want her to have a phone for the drive. I tried to do something nice by getting her a new phone and end up making it so she has no phone. Strike one. Since she didn't have a phone, I couldn't even tell her what had happened. I tried to call the place she is at, but since they are technically closed, I was in voicemail hell. Luckily, she borrowed a phone and called me and I explained. Wouldn't be my life if it went how I wanted.

A winning letter.

This year, Mason's class studied Anoles, or lizards. At the end of the unit, they send the lizards home with lucky students. In order to be one of the lucky winners, you have to write a letter to the teacher explaining why you should get one of the lizards. Here is Mason's letter:

Dear Ms. Harper,
I don't have a pet, I have all the stuff, I've taken care of pets before, I've wanted a pet all my life, and I've been waiting a long time for this moment. I will make sure it is in a safe place, I will feed it, and I will make sure my brothers don't kill it. It will go right on the table so everyone can see it.

From,
Mason

That sounds like a winner to me. I wonder if any of the other kids have guaranteed that their siblings would not kill the lizard? I'll let you know if this is enough to win over his teacher. I suggested a $10, but he didn't think that would help. I bet it would.

Misc

Here is just a bunch of crap that I either saw, heard or is just buzzing in my head. First, I've had a police scanner for years. I bought it when I lived in Des Moines so I could hear what was going on, I'm just interested. I broke it out tonight and listened in for awhile. One call was for a domestic. Dispatcher said, "male subject is saying the female in the house hit him with a bat and tried to scald him with water." Then the cop said, "Anything else?" The dispatch then said,"She tried to poison him." The cop said, "Of course." I'm listening to a shooting right now, very scary.

I don't know if this is very visible, but this is an area I drive by everyday. If you can see it, there is a patch of grass that is basically a border between two properties. I'm not sure if they are in a border war, but they appear to be doing it backwards. They aren't trying to claim the others property, they appear to be forfeiting a foot wide section, refusing to mow it. I took this a week ago. Since then, they have both mowed and they refused to mow this patch. I can't wait to see how long this goes.


They have been doing sidewalk replacement in our neighborhood, so we have a lot of equipment around. For a week, we had a truck and trailer parked on our street during the day. As I drove by one day, I took this shot:

Why they need to dump all of that dirt in the street outside the supply trailer, I have no idea. They would dump the dirt and then scrape it off at night.

We got a few fish the other day, but sadly, they lasted 2 days. Why are goldfish so darn fragile. I tried to tell the boys they were just good at swimming on their sides, but they didn't buy it.

They were given to us and the boys didn't have time to get attached, so it wasn't too upsetting.

For Mason's baseball games, the umps are kids that play in the leagues above him. They appear to be about 12 or 13 years old, which means they aren't through puberty yet. When they yell out "strike" it sounds like a 6 year old girl. People look at me funny every time I laugh at that, but it's hilarious.

I thought I had more, but I guess that is it. I'm so into my scanner, this shooting is very exciting.