Excuse me? Are you serious?

I just had to comment on an article I just read, about a kid who plotted and stabbed his teacher. The puzzling part of the article, was when the judge made a statement that just floored me. The defense attorneys ask for the teen to have a mental evaluation, which seemed reasonable to me. The judge agreed to the evaluation, and said, "to see if he is a threat to himself, or the community." Did I miss something? Didn't he all ready kill someone? I guess that isn't a threat, it's an action, so the statement is valid. OK, he killed someone, perhaps we should take away his "Happy camper" button and send him to his room, WITHOUT supper. Or maybe we should have a professional take a look at him. Yeah, lets do that one.

Really? Is that 100% effort?

I've written before about how I try to take care of my lawn and landscaping. I don't have the nicest yard on the street, but I try to make it as nice as possible. I have no issue with someone who decides they don't want to put the effort into their yard. My opinion, it's your yard, do as you please. Of course, I'm not trying to sell my house, which means my opinion might be different if I was trying to sell. But with that said, I guess my next opinion would be, if you ARE going to do something in your yard, wouldn't you try to do that thing correctly? Here is my example. My neighbors on either side of me are the "I'm not going to do ANYTHING to my lawn" kind of people. Fine. They mow the yard and one even puts down fertilizer, but that is it. On one side of me, they have a riding lawn mower, so they mow fairly regularly, but they never trim. That means, along all of the fences and around all bushes and trees, the grass is waist high. I understand it is another step, and it takes another piece of equipment, but don't you think you would give it the old college try and see if you can whack a path through the bush? Here are a few shots of their back yard through the gate.



You will notice that at the top of the hill, just through the gate, they missed a huge section of grass. You can see the semi-circle of mowed grass and the rest is untouched. You can see the build up around the tree in the back, which isn't landscaping rocks, it's just 5 years of unmowed grass, piled upon itself. I'm not sure if you can see, right at the bottom of my wooden fence, that the grass is about 10 to 12 inches high. I should have taken a picture of the edge of their driveway, where the riding mower couldn't get right next to the concrete, so it left a mohawk right done the middle of their side yard. They never mow around their mailbox, but since that piece of their property is connected to mine, I just mow that while I'm mowing my yard. Again, the fact that it looks like this doesn't bother me, its the lack of effort that I find disturbing. I know they aren't out doing good deeds and just don't have the time. No, they are in their basement smoking weed. I guess that explains alot right there.

New law, spread the word.

Yesterday, I figured out that we need a new law on the books. I'm not big on adding a bunch of un-needed laws, made to make people feel good, but not enforceable, for the most part. Iowa has a no texting law, which is a good idea, but very hard to enforce, unless you are actually in an accident and they can prove you were texting. The new law I am proposing, is that law enforcement vehicles are no longer allowed to hang a U-turn, unless they are then going to pursue someone. Happened to me yesterday and I damn near shit myself. I was speeding a bit, down a back road by my office. I wasn't killing the speed limit, but when you see a cop whip around right behind you, you just assume he is coming after you. As it turned out, he wasn't after me, or anyone for that matter, so I say we stop this practice before it gives me a heart attack.

That is all.

Just asking, part 2.

I wrote about atheists last week, but didn't realize that the billboard I saw was for an actual meeting here in Des Moines for a bunch of atheists. I read an article in the paper as to why they were meeting, which if you remember, puzzled me. As it turns out, according to this article, they want to organize so they can influence legislation that supports their beliefs. I guess I understand that, but here is a question that came up. On WHAT, do you base those beliefs on? Most documents that were written to found this country, are based on Biblical principles. Like it or not, God is mentioned in most. So my question is, do the atheists have something to base their beliefs on? Scientologists have the writings of L. Ron Hubbard. The Mormons have the Book of Mormon. Is there a book of atheism? Perhaps there is an "atheism for Dummies" I could take a look at. I'm not interested in converting, just interested on what makes you an atheist. Is it just a non-belief in God? No idea. There was another group that was included on the billboard, unless the name was just another name for atheists, and it was freethinkers. I'm not sure what that is, but it sounds good. Can you be a freethinker AND part of a group? If you are thinking free, I guess that doesn't mean you are alone, it's a hard title to decipher. I wonder if they have a book?

Just asking

What's up with the atheists? I don't have a problem with them, or their beliefs. That I have a different opinion, is irrelevant. My issue is more with their methods lately, of recruiting new members, or non-members, I'm not sure how to classify. I would think that if you were an atheist, that would mean that you didn't have to get up early on Sundays, would always volunteer to work Christmas and wouldn't end up with 30 packages of peeps in April. I guess there is an actual organization, which strikes me as funny. You have group meetings, just to say you don't believe in God? Seems like a waste of time, whats the advantage? What do you gain by trying to convince someone that there is no God? Seems odd to me. There are billboards in the Des Moines area that say something to the effect,

Know there is no God? So do we.

OK, so now what? Why do you pool your money for that reason, to buy a billboard? Am I alone here? Again, I'm ok with them not believing, I've been there, before I started my own research, but I don't understand the recruitment. There seems to be so much more you could promote that you DO believe in. Why pay for a sign of your negativity? Sounds a bit insecure or unsure to me. I personally don't believe in UFO's, but I will promise you with 100% certainty, I will not spend one dime to promote that belief. You just heard my whole anti-UFO speal for free, exactly what it is worth.

Here is a question to ponder, something that I have discussed with "non-believers" as well. When you are involved in a serious moment, life or death, what is going through your mind? Lets say someone close to you was just in a serious, and I mean serious, accident. What is happening in your noggin? I can tell you what I'm doing, I'm praying. I'm praying to God to heal. I'm not saying it will happen, me and God aren't on a "I owe you one" basis, so His will be done. But that doesn't change what I'm thinking. I've asked my "non-believer" friends:

Me: What are you thinking in times of tragedy?
Them: I'm talking over my fears, concerns and wants. What I wish would happen.
Me: Yeah, it's called prayer you dip shit. OK then, who are you talking too, yourself?
Them: No, I believe in a higher power.
Me: Yep, me too, His name is God, what is your higher powers name?
Them: They don't have a name.
Me: Well call him God and get off your "I just want to be different" horse, it smells.

The second person I asked had a sad answer.

Me: What are you thinking in times of tragedy?
Them: Nothing.
Me: Nothing? Mind is blank?
Them: Yep.

That is sad, and a little scary to me. I don't want to be alone in my time of need, and with God, I never feel totally alone. To an atheist, this whole post is ridiculous and they think I'm nuts, but I'm fine with that. I wrote once that I heard Bill Maher make a comment on his show once that struck me as funny. He was talking to a Born Again, and he said to the guy, "What if your wrong?" The guy had the perfect response, "What if you are?" I guess if I'm going to be wrong, I'd rather be wrong living my life following the teachings of Jesus, than being wrong and living my life through the teachings of society. I've been in that school, it sucks and the graduation party is hell.

Are you stupid?

Let me start off by saying, I love my job. I love the company I work for and the people I work with. That being said, some of them do things that I either don't understand, or they are not thinking.

1. I get emails from lots of people who are pointing out a task that needs to be done. That is all fine and good, but occasionally I get the infamous "See below" direction. I have no problem reading the previous email, or even a couple, but I get a string of back and forth emails about a subject, that at times, can be several pages long. How am I supposed to decipher what of those emails, is what you are wanting me to "See?" I count myself as a pretty bright guy. I mean, I've never shot myself, or even seriously injured myself in several years, so I would think that I could figure out a small mystery buried in an email. But sometimes, there are several paths these emails take and I'm not sure which direction I need to go. I usually have to ask, "see what?" and look like a total ass, because I don't say, "Hey, shoot a brother a clue on what you are talking about." I want to say "Are you stupid? Do you see that you have been having a conversation with subject "B" for a month, never figured anything out, then toss it over to me to break "it" down." Sorry, no comprende.

2. My cube sits by a door that leads outside. In the spring, summer and fall, this is a great seat. We prop open the door, since none of our windows open, and let in some fresh air. It's like working in a Vegas hotel, none of the windows open and I'm guessing it was to avoid former employees from escaping, but I can't say for sure. The time that my particular seat sucks, is in the winter. Where do I live? Iowa. What happens in Iowa in the winter? It gets cold as ass. Now put me in dress pants and business casual shirt and what do you get? Pneumonia. This isn't the front door, but a side door that leads to our loading dock. So why does it get opened 100 times a day to freeze my giblits off? Couple of reasons. The first is that truckers can't seem to figure out the 5 signs posted on the door telling them that this particular door is not an entrance. It is locked, so you have to have a pass key to open it. That, however, doesn't stop a truck driver from pulling on it like it's some sort of bar game to test your pulling strength. I swear I think they are going to pull it off the hinges. They give it a tug, and the lock informs them that the signs weren't shitting them, it's NOT and entrance. For most people, that would be the clue to follow the sign that has arrows pointing to the right, to the actual door they need to use, but alas, it does not. They take the grip of the lock as a challenge and tug again, again, and again. Hello, dip stick, the door doesn't unlock if you jerk on it 5 times, it's frigging locked, period. They finally give the cupped hands to the glass to look in and try to get someone to open it. I have taken to ignoring them in hopes that they will look at the sign and follow the directions. Sometimes, this just doesn't happen, so I have to open the door, let in the cold, and tell them to go to the other door. Since most of these people don't speak English, I have to break out my sign language skills and make the "You are at the wrong door" hand and arm motions, trying to get them to go to the next door. Usually, I just give up and point them through the indoor path to the warehouse, which they always seem to understand. Go figure. The second reason this door is repeatedly opened, is our warehouse people think of it as their personal door, to open and close as much as they like throughout the day. They have jeans and sweatshirts on, so they aren't nearly as cold as I am. They use it to go to lunch, come back from lunch, and to just meander outside every 20 minutes. Not sure why they can't use their door, but hey, lets not be door snobs, lets use them all. I've spoken to the guy who is the biggest offender, but he seems to forget and continues his laps. He goes out my door, walks over to the warehouse door and back into the building, only to repeat the circle 10 or 20 times a day. This guy does the Indianapolis 500 everyday, as I sit in the pits, not happy. Third reason, smokers. Lets not get into a long post on how the smokers get away with hours of breaks a day, that I do not, since I gave up the habit so many years ago. The area outside my door has a little roof, so it is protected from the rain. Their normal smoking spot does not. Every time it rains or snows, the smokers decide that my door leading to the covered area is their new found paradise, so I get the arctic blast several more times. This time, the blast is now menthol, so I have that going for me. I guess I see their point. I mean for health reasons, you don't want your smokers standing in the rain. That might make them sick.

3. I deal with a lot of outside people. By that I mean, they work outside of my building. Most of them are in warehouses around the country. We don't own the warehouses, we just contract with them to provide services for us. Some of them are great. You ask a question, they send you an answer. You ask for a service, they give you said service. But then there are some that treat my emails as a disease that needs to be eliminated as soon as they receive it. No need in replying, this email must have been sent from the devil and it's best to just get rid of it before it infects our whole system, or makes us work. I have a couple of warehouses that ignore my first 2 emails completely, so I schedule out 3 emails, which is when I know they will respond. I've been asked, why don't you call them? Good question. The answer is, because they don't answer their phone. Or if they do, they have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about. The biggest problem is, they will deny they ever spoke to me, if it comes down to a he said, she said, situation. I want the email response for my records, so I plug on. I can't tell you how frustrating it is to try and do the best job you can, but the people you rely on for the information to do your job correctly, could give a rats ass whether you get the correct info, or any info, at all. Someone needs to invent an email attachment that when they open it, my hands spring from their screen and strangle them until they submit to my will. Or maybe I could just use their keyboard to get what I want. Yeah, maybe that would be better.

I'm not an expert, but......

You know I'm not a political person, although I do vote. I don't watch very many debates. I don't try to convince my friends that this person will be better in office than that person, its just not in me. I just don't think, that in the long run, the people we vote into office will put the good of the people, or the country, first. I feel that they are normally more concerned about being re-elected or toeing the party line, whether the party has a clue about the American people or not. I have lots of other opinions, but I'll keep them to myself. The big issue right now is going on in Wisconsin. I won't pretend that I have a clue as to what all the hubub is about, and honestly, I don't care to look into it. Does that make me a bad person, or bad citizen? Maybe, but I don't live in WI, so it isn't really my business. The same thing appears to be going on here in Iowa as well, and unfortunately, I don't have any more of an opinion about the issue here, as I have about WI. The politicians here are fighting over a bill, that both sides agree, has 0% chance to pass. Seriously? It has 0% chance to pass, but you have so far spent 2 entire days debating and a third today, with no end insight? Normally, I would say, the more time they are tied up debating the 0% chance bill, the less damage they can do on other topics, but in this case, they let $14.5 million dollars from the federal government get away , that would have gone to the unimploied of Iowa, because they were too busy pissing in the wind. Maybe there is more to it, but that is how I see it. I just read that the Republicans have finally gotten to a "sick of it" point and are forcing a vote to end the madness. Hey wait, somebody got their head out of their ass? Mark it on the calendar. Of course, the Democrats are pissed, so now they know how the voters feel. Just so you know, this is not at shot at Democrats from some holier than thou Republican. I'm a registered Democrat, but I vote on everything and person, as a separate issue, regardless of what my "party" thinks. They aren't always right. I refuse to vote party line, for anything. The whole thing is a mess.

On another note, Libya. This is a mess. Here is a question. First, we know that we don't like Momar, not a good guy. There are all kinds of leaders that aren't good guys, but we can't do anything about all of them. So why do we feel the need to step in here? Now I'm not for people being killed in a war like this, but this is an internal issue, Libyans against Libyans. Now, put the US in this situation. Lets say one of the thousands of Militia in the US, decides they are going to take over the government. Our government starts to fight back. Do we allow another country to step in and say, while fighting this uprising, "You can't do that." For us to impose a no-fly zone, seems that we are sticking our nose into a powder keg of problems. I'm glad to hear that our President is hesitant to start off, so lets hope that one of the other countries that are hot and heavy on this plan, takes the lead. It does seem a bit unfair that the government of Libya has planes and the rebels do not, but if you pick a fight with a bully, he is going to use all his weapons, not hold back because he feels sorry for you. All of this being said, I understand that the government is corrupt and they are just trying to get a voice. That's awesome and totally understandable, and I know that America is all about democracy in the world, but maybe on this one, we don't run out onto the field first.

For God's sake!

How old am I? Forty something, right? So why in God's name have I not figured out how to shave like a man and not a 16 year old boy with his first Bic? Does Bic still make a razor? I've written about my shaving mishaps before, but I'm sad to say that I still haven't figured it out. I will say that I no longer do the old shaving cream and razor thing and I long gave up on an electric razor when I started shaving my head. An electric razor just doesn't seem to work on my melon, I've tried it. I tried waxing my head as well and to say it failed would be an understatement. My current method is soap and a razor while showering. Seeing as how I have zero hairlines that I need to shave up to, it's basically a free for all, except for ears, nose, lips and the whole eye area. Seems like it should go pretty smoothly, but I'm sure you can tell that if I'm writing this, it doesn't go well. I am very consistent in my slicing of my lip and more commonly, my neck. Of all places to cut, why is it my neck? And of course, when you cut your neck, it bleeds like crazy and then is clearly visible for the rest of the day, and usually the week. I've tried to come up with a good story about how I received the cut, like from a broken bottle during a bar fight. Or perhaps from one of those lions I got to hold in Africa, or better yet, from that cubs angry father. Nope, I cut myself shaving, again. Is there some sort of class I can take so I can stop the madness? Perhaps at the local community college or an adult ed class given at the local high school, "Things your dad should have taught you 25 years ago." There are a few things that could be tossed in there along with the shaving. Like how to make your grass green with no fertilizer or water, unless it rains. I don't think we ever did either of those things to our lawn as a kid and all was fine. Now, if I don't do something, I have a dried out hay field, without the option of bayling it to make a few extra bucks. On top of the slices I make, where I'm cutting too much, I leave enough stubble to make it appear that I didn't actually shave, just took my razor and shaved off my skin. It's really coming to a point when I just want to go Grizzly Adams and let everything go wild. That would be the scariest thing you have ever seen, since my facial hair grows like that same 16 year old I mentioned at the start of this post and most of the hair on my head has long tired of the world and has decided to stay buried in my scalp. I guess I will just have to keep trying, or perhaps come up with better excuses. I'm not sure people would believe me if I said Marcy did it, she doesn't have a mean bone in her body, but I might just have to give it a try.

Customer service 101

I've written about my issues with customer service before, but here is one that I just don't understand. Our local cable company is Mediacom. There is no other option, it is them or a dish. I was with them for several years, but we always had trouble with our Internet and they raised their prices every month, without adding any value to that increase. I'm well aware that the cost of business is going up, but they seemed to up their rates $3 or $4 every month and then throw you a new channel every six months, but it was never a channel that you would ever watch. Hell, maybe they never actually added the channel, I never checked. Who wants to watch a 24 hour cat grooming channel, or whatever the hell they made up. I finally had enough and switched to DirecTV, which I had before and never had any trouble. Mediacom always runs adds about how you loose your signal during storms, which I have, but I've never lost it as much as I lost my cable. I've been happy with my switch and have watched reports that Mediacom has raised their rates even more. That's all fine and good. It's their business and they can run it and do with it, whatever they wish. The problem I have is, the amount of money they spend to try and get me, and thousands of others who switched to a dish, back. I get something in the mail every week trying to lure me back. I had a guy stop at my house last night with a deal to get me back. It was all three of their services, cable, phone and Internet, for $100 a month for 2 years. That's a good deal, but why don't you lower your rates for the customers you have, and they won't leave? I took customer service classes, way back when I was in charge of that department at a previous job. The first thing we learned was, it's cheaper to give a little to keep a current customer, than it is to acquire a new customer, by a lot. So it's fine and dandy to offer these good deals to get new customers, but you all ready had me, so you should have tried just a little bit to keep me. I was paying more than $100, so just stop trying to bleed me dry, and I stay. They have other issues, like their call in customer service sucks. I mentioned the Internet went out on us all the time, so we had to re-set the modem and the wireless router, almost every day. But I'm convinced they would have far more customers if they would just treat the ones they have, like they are happy they are their customers? Am I crazy? A radical thinker? Not even close, this stuff is customer service 101. Maybe I should offer my consulting services? They'd have to raise their rates to pay for me.

Seriously?

OK,I have a history of ordering pizza when it is my night to "cook." The boys love Pizza Hut, so that is where we order from. You can set up an account and it will remember your address and phone number and even what you normally order, making it much easier to order the next time. I tried to set up an account several months back, but didn't finish and I couldn't remember why. Tonight, in honor of the boys having good report cards, I said we could order pizza and I decided to finally get the account set up. I put in the info and it said my account name was all ready taken, I assume by me when I half set up the account the first time. Fine, picked a new name and then set off to assign a password. I like to make my passwords, for simple things like this, something I can remember, making them maybe not so tricky to "crack." I figure, who would want to break into my Pizza Hut account and order me a pizza. They don't have any credit card numbers, bank accounts or my social security number. My first attempt to assign a password was denied because my password was the same as my account number. Dang, there goes my easy to remember theory. I changed it to something else, but now it says I need a number in it, which it doesn't say when it originally asked me to assign a password. Fine, I tried it again and I didn't have enough letters. Next attempt, the account name and the password were too similar. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? This is a log in to Pizza Hut, not Fort Knox. After a few more attempts, I realized why I had given up the first time. As soon as it finally allowed my choices, I quickly wrote them down. I had tried so many combinations, I knew I'd never remember my account. Next time I'm going to Domino's.

Why?

So I saw this a few weeks back, but didn't have photo evidence, so I passed on writing about it. Last night, I wasn't driving, so I was able to snap a picture of the situation in question.
Why would you put the crapper in the middle of the road? I know, by law, that they have to have a porta potty on the job site, but can't they put it on the side of the road, or around the corner? This is a street full of businesses, you can't stick it in the far corner of the parking lot? How comfortable would you be taking care of business as cars whizzed by right outside your thin plastic wall? I see stories all the time about people who are either texting, talking on the phone or just plain not paying attention, so they run off the road or whip across several lanes of traffic. now imagine you are in this crapper with your pants down when Johnny Distracted decides he needs to text his buddy about his plans for the evening, and WHAM!, you and your bare ass go flying across the intersection for all to see. Just put the damn thing in a less public spot, that's all I'm saying.

Iowa State Fair

If you live, have lived or know anyone in the state of Iowa, you probably know that our state fair is a big deal in these here parts. I don't have a bunch of other state fair visits under my belt to compare the Iowa one too, but here are my impressions of Iowa's. It has always seemed to me that we make a really big deal about it here. We have count downs until it will arrive. We have daily attendance numbers printed in the paper. There is a big portion of the paper, news casts and just everyday talk, devoted to it. I'm pretty sure it is our one major claim to fame, seeing as how it is voted one of the best, if not THE best, in the country. We don't have major sporting events, except for the Disc golf world championships that were here a few years back, so we don't have that as a attraction for our state. We seem to get a bunch of junior sporting events that are big and every now and again, something pops up that is big for us, but we aren't ever going to be Chicago, Minneapolis or Kansas City, thankfully. No, our big thing is the Fair. How do I personally feel about it? There are several things about the fair that I enjoy, first, the photos people take and submit, really cool. There is basically a whole building full of them and a lot of them are excellent. I've thought about submitting one of mine, seeing as how in all of the years I have gone, I have yet to see one of the inside of someones pocket, so maybe I would make it to the fair on originality alone. I enjoy looking at all of the huge stuff, the biggest steer, horse, pumpkin and boar(although I could do without looking at his nuts) My favorite thing at the fair, the people. Man you can see a range of types of people like know where else in the world. You have your city people who wear nice shorts and button up shirts, black socks and sandals, nice. Then you have the "normals" as I like to call them, because I put myself in this category and I'm not going to name it anything else. This group seems to be shorts, usually jean or the sweat pant type, plus a t-shirt with a location they have visited printed on it. Next, the "what were you thinking group." These people either lack a mirror, are blind to what is in the mirror, or could care less what they see. These are the people who wear shorts that are showing every single inch of leg they poses, and then some. They might be wearing a t-shirt with slightly questionable slogans printed on them. The other shirt option would be the tank top, which in of its self would not be bad, but they are either sporting tattoos that children shouldn't be looking at, or, if its a female, working without a bra. We went to the fair opening night to see a concert, Jeremy Camp and Steven Curtis Chapman, so we walked around a bit before the show. We had time to hit the Ag building to visit one of the things the Iowa State Fair is known for, the butter cow. I know what those of you that have never been here are thinking, "Wow, those Iowans need something else to do if they are making things out of butter." Yes, I agree, but if you are at the fair, my thought is, we're here, lets look at a complete waste of time and butter. I went to see this years ago and actually stood in line to take a gander at the butter heifer. I was disappointed, to say the least. This year, the big hubub was about what the accompanying butter sculpture would be, there is a second sculpture with the yearly cow. Since this was the anniversary of landing on the moon, they wanted to do a space theme, and there was talk and even a vote to see if Michael Jackson would be included, with his "moon walk." To say the vote was an overwhelming "no" would be an understatement. So they stuck to the space theme, and here it is with the famous cow to the left.

There was no line, so I decided I would take a gander. I'm not down playing the artist that makes these, she is obviously very good, but the whole butter thing is odd to me, maybe because I moved here from the east coast, where we would have never made art out of butter. How about clay, or plaster of paris? I guess my cousin would argue with me about art "materials" seeing as how she doesn't always use conventional supplies either. Maybe it's my exposure to art in general, never had a lot of access to it, so my tastes are a bit narrow. My cousin is an artist and I love to see her stuff, even own a few pieces that she did with Target that I love and I'm always proud to tell people who see one in my office, who the artist is. That's enough on the butter art, lets get back to the people. Before the concert, we were there for about 45 minutes and I saw more boobs than I have in a long time. Again, if you are wearing a tank top, might want to invest in another shirt to go with it, or a bigger bra to control your body or maybe just a better fitting tank top. I'm not offended by things hanging out, I just think you might want to save some of the mystery for home. Every where you turned, women were bending over to mess with their kids and woop, there it was. I know it's hot out, but a little more fabric won't kill you. Don't think that the guys aren't showing their boobs, because they are. Same tank top, same boob size, same out come, only this time, it is completely legal for a guy to flop out. That seems odd to me. How come a guy with double D's can let it all hand out, but if a woman does it, indecent exposure? I'm not suggesting we change the law, just enforce it on both sexes. And the guts, oh my. I have a gut, but I keep it covered and try to wear a shirt that doesn't show it off. Get a little bigger shirt, then let it cover, I'm just saying. Now we even have debates about pushing the start of school back to after the fair is over. Seriously? Our priority is a butter cow, over priced greasy food and the midway, over the education of our youth? Why can't we push the start of the fair back a week or two? Is it because vendors have the 2 weeks of our fair blocked out and can't make the change because they have other commitments? Well they need to set their priorities on the monetary value of the Iowa State Fair versus where ever else they could be, but don't set your school schedule on the availability of a funnel cake vendor. Maybe it's just me.

Hey, that's inappropriate!

Do I have a face that says, "Say something inappropriate to me?" I seem to have a history of people I don't know, walking up to me and either asking me if I want to see a naked picture of their daughter or telling me a joke that would make George Carlin blush. Don't get me wrong, I'm not offended, it's pretty hard to offend me, but it seems odd. I've written about the lady that asked a group of us if we wanted to see a naked picture of her daughter, so I won't go down that road again. My latest episode was while I was walking in the rail yard in Chicago. I was approaching the building to go back inside, when I trucker walked up to me and started asking me questions about the warehouse I was at. I told him I didn't work here, so I wasn't sure. I thought that would end our conversation, but man was I wrong. This guy tells me he wants to tell me a joke. Great, I'm not a big"joke" fan, but lets hear it. Maybe it would be a clever knock knock joke, or perhaps a president Obama joke or, dare I say, an old school your momma so fat joke. No, dude breaks into a sexually explicit joke that I wouldn't repeat to my wife, if I could even remember it. I'm not good at remembering jokes, mainly cause they aren't my favorite, but I had to wash my mind out with soap to get that one free. Again, didn't offend me, but I had just met this guy and he had the nuts to tell me that. Actually, I hadn't even met him. I mean, I didn't know his name, or anything about him other than he drove a truck for a living and was currently wearing a hat. Hardly makes us buddies. I laughed, as best I could, and kept walking trying to avoid this guys whole stand up routine, not sure I could have fake laughed much more, I'm not very good at it. Just ask Marcy. I refuse to answer the door at Halloween, not because I have a fear of small people in plastic costumes, but because the jokes they tell are horrible. One year, I had a kid tell me a filthy joke, he was five. I asked him if his dad taught him that, since I could tell he had no idea what he just said, and he confirmed my suspicion. Nice, dad teaches his kid a word, or in this case words, and encourages him to use these words in public. I've taught my kids a few words, on accident, that they repeated right then, but I squashed it so it didn't leave the house. Wait, Marcy squashed me because I was laughing and then she told the kids that "Daddy is an idiot, so don't say what he says." Yeah, that was what I meant to say. The last time I was in CA working, trucker told me a joke I thought was a bit racisist, but I knew him for 5 minutes, so I guess that makes it OK? Maybe it's the bald head that attracts crazies, maybe I should get a wig.

What?

I saw this on a new styling, curling, blower thingy that Marcy bought.



OK, this can be used on wet OR dry hair? Is there another option I'm not aware of? Is damp a choice, but just not a recommended stage of hair for this product to be used on? It says it can be used on dry hair, to dry hair. Doesn't that seem to be overkill. Can you dry something that is all ready dry. I think the government is involved in this somehow.

Get off the phone!

Drivers seem to piss me off more and more. I live on the west side of town and drive to the east side for work, so I'm in the car for 15 to 20 minutes each way. The number of people who don't use their turn signal is astronomical, which isn't the big problem, its the guy who decides that even though he is going 20 mph slower than me, will switch into my lane, without using his signal, approximately 3 feet in front of me, causing me to stomp my brakes. If slow poke wants to do 55 mph in a 65 mph zone, that is his business but keep your slow ass out of the far left lane, or the fast lane as I like to call it. I've had the argument with people in the past who tell me it isn't the "fast" lane, that's a given, but I was taught in drivers education, oh so many years ago, that it is the passing lane. If you are pedalling your Geo Metro at a top speed of 7 mph, move your ass to the right, you ain't passing anyone. If you want to argue about not speeding, I hear you, I shouldn't, but you clogging up the artery doesn't slow people down, for long, it just causes more lane changes which are far more dangerous than me going a bit over the posted speed limit, but staying in the same lane.
I'm also amazed at the number of people that feel the need to apply the brake before they switch lanes. Most times, that isn't necessary, put on your signal, look in your mirror, make the move. I don't see where it is advantageous for any of us, for you to stomp brakes, look in your mirror, hit the gas for another 20 feet, then stomp the brakes again because the time freezing portal didn't open up to allow you to get into the next lane. Freaking plan ahead, put down your phone and read the signs that are posted for just that reason, so you can figure out how to get to where you are going. I drive past an interchange where you have to veer right to go west and go straight to go south. I'm amazed at how many people figure out with 2 feet to spare, that they need to be 4 lanes over RIGHT NOW, and they go for it. Despite the fact that there were signs, warning them of the split 2 miles back, again 1 1/2 miles back, a mile back and the road signs are painted on the freaking road. Yet everyday, and I mean everyday, somebody whips across, usually driving on the shoulder because they missed the turn. I've seen people back up on the interstate to get back to the exit they missed. People, people, people, go the extra mile to the next exit and make a youey, don't die, or kill someone, because you wanted to get home before the Simpsons started. I was driving somewhere with my brother Brian and his family and we passed a guy who was backing down the highway to get to his missed exit, only he was on the road not on the shoulder. Luckily Brian saw them and swerved over and missed him. Of course he had to run a small bus from an orphanage off the road, but I'm still here, so it's all good since it is all about me. I will admit that I backed down a toll road in KY and 1am once. We passed a car in the middle of know where that was pulled over on the shoulder with no flashers and a lady standing outside. Since she didn't have any flashers, I was right on top of her before I saw her, but I managed to pull over, get stopped and then discussed with Brian, do we walk back and see if she needs help or do I back up to her? Well the road was empty, so I figured I'd back up. Wouldn't you know that was when a party let out or something and a bunch of cars showed up and damn near rear ended me as I backed slightly into the road. OK, it was a dumbass move, but it was dark and I wasn't going to walk down this road, at night, without a gun. I saw Deliverance. I know what happens in the back woods to outsiders, and I have a purty mouth.
People who like to race off the line at the stop light so they can merge over in front of me, then slow down to below speed limit. I swear I'm getting one of those cop bumpers so I can push them either faster or off the road and out of my way.
So now lets talk about the dumbasses going 10 to 15 mph UNDER the speed limit. I'd rather have someone blow my doors off as they go by than get stuck behind a pair of knuckles on the steering wheel going 20 mph in a 35 mph zone. George Carlin had a joke once that went, "Did you ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is an f-ing maniac. Well put my friend, well put.

Soccer, sort of.

Makiah is on a soccer team, and it is the hardest thing for me to watch. I think I might prefer to watch back to back chick flicks over the painful display that is a U7 soccer game. I see them at practice, going where the coach says and doing what he asks. Then, I go to the games and it's like they just stepped on the field for the first time. The ball is always on the opposite side of the field as all of our players. Someone brought a dog tonight, I'm pretty sure they were from the opposing team (Coincidence? I think not). Makiah spent most of the 3rd quarter looking at the dog, oblivious to the ass kicking his team mates were taking, a mere 10 feet behind him. At this level, they don't keep score, and it's a good thing. I hear kids talk about scores of games, but usually everyone at our games gives up trying to keep track of the score, our side because it is depressing, their side because the first graders can't count that high. The main goal is for them to have fun and learn the game, but I'm not sure they are learning anything. It doesn't help that most of the practices have been rained out and several of the games as well, but still. Tonight it looked like all of the kids, except for a few, had molasses in their shoes, shorts and colon. I don't know that I have ever seen them so slow. I think for the next game, I'll bring a dog, but I'm bringing a Pit Bull. That ought to get them moving.

Get over it all ready!

Am I missing something? Do we not live in America, where you are allowed to have an opinion, and you can even express it? Even if your opinion isn't the "popular" belief? I think I've heard about enough of Miss California and how people are either pissed that she said what she said (her opinion/belief) or people or applauding her for the same. Is it really a big deal that this particular person thinks either way? Are our beauty pageant contestants now the deciding factor on a subject? Should we even have these pageants anymore, does anyone care? I remember watching them when I was a kid, and loving them, mainly because that was before I discovered Playboy and this was the most skin I could see that didn't involve a Sear's catalog, but I haven't seen one in years and have no desire (any of the above mentioned three). I applaud the woman for speaking her mind and not giving the answer she knew Perez Hilton wanted, but shouldn't it have been done at that point? If Perez wanted to vote for someone else, that's his choice, but is he sure the girl he voted for didn't feel the same way as Miss CA? He didn't ask all of the girls the same question, if the things I've read were correct. I saw Perez Hiltons foul mouthed tirade towards Miss California the next day and WOW, what an ass. I spoke about this in an earlier post, why would you think that yelling your opinion at someone will either get them to change theirs, or think any more of your opinion than when you weren't yelling it. I'm not against foul language, I think it can be a colorful addition to any conversation, but he was a bit over the top with the name calling, not really necessary considering her only fault, was not agreeing with him. To me, that's not a fault, it's a right. The parade got scarier when Donald "I'm not only the president of the hair club for men, I'm the experiment that went horrible wrong" Trump piped in with his support of Miss California, which is fine, but again, do we care? So he owns the pageant, good for him, but let it die along with that thing burrowed on your melon. His comments seemed creepy to me. He kept talking about how beautiful she is, which she is, but can we please get over this. Come up with an idea to feed millions of starving children and I want to hear from you. Look good in a swimsuit, please step to the back of the line, I've got better things to do. Is that my age speaking, because it sure isn't something I would have said 15 years ago.

Damn you!

I have a complaint. I know, I know, big surprise. I've discussed my displeasure with people who litter, so here is an off shoot of that. It usually isn't as bad as littering, but bothersome for another reason, I'm talking about people who dump stuff out of their car on the ground, right where I have to step when I get out of mine. These inconsiderate assholes park their car, usually in a convenience store lot, then dump their load of old coffee, flat pop, or the object that set this rant off, what I can only assume is a garbage can full of sunflower seed shells. I understand the need to get rid of the shells, but the trash can was literally 6 feet away. I understand it's cold in Iowa, so you don't want to be out of your car for any longer than you have to, but you were in the store, why can't you throw them out on the way in, or make the 10 second trip from your car to the can. Now, because you are a self centered bastard, I have to wade up to my waist in shells, into my car. Now my floor mats are covered in shells and I don't even eat sunflower seeds. I hope I can get the dirt out from the long winter before one of these seeds has the time to germinate and I've got a visual hazard growing from my floor to the windshield. The coffee and pop may even be worse. You step out, right into a sticky mess that you didn't even see coming. I've been know to pour and old something out of the car, but I don't pour it where people are going to have to step, no, I pour it in the open window of the dumbass parked next to me with half his car in my space. Is that wrong?

Settle down Grandpa!

I haven't posted a Rant in awhile, but it isn't because I haven't had any experiences worthy of the rant. If you have read my rants, you know that bad customer service is a pet peeve of mine. My thought is, if you suck at dealing with people, perhaps a different career path should be in your future. I met a man last night who needs to take that advice. I went to the Iowa Energy game last night, in fact, got there early so I could get another doll. I mentioned last year in March (http://lostiniowa-markymark.blogspot.com/2008/03/sadest-thing-ive-seen-in-awhile.html), that I went early to get my Jeff Horner bobble head, which is essentially, a doll. Last night was Benny the Bull bobble head night, or "Mark now owns two dolls" night. Here is my new guy along with last years doll. I'm a big enough man to admit that I would go to a basketball game an hour early, stand in line with a bunch of kids, just to get my doll. I got there early because they were only giving them to the first 2000 fans. Why I thought that there would be more than 2000 fans at the game, when there hasn't been that many fans at any of the games this year, I have no idea. Just didn't want to show up at home doll-less and cry myself to sleep. (see cabbage patch kid craze of the 80's) (Not me, but almost every kid at that time that didn't get one) Anyway, I get my doll and head for the seats. I've been to a lot of Energy games. I've been a season ticket holder for the 2 years they have been in existence and I'm planning on signing up for next year. One of the good things about the games not being crowded is, you can buy the cheapest tickets they have, but still sit at center court. In fact, you can sit anywhere you want, except for on the floor. My brother Brian and I rarely sit in our purchased seats. We've been told by ushers that we can move. I'm just laying the ground work here, so bare with my short sentences. Brian and his clan and I move over to the area that we normally sit in, which is wide open. You should also know, the seating area for an Energy game is set up so you can probably fit, lets say 9,000 people in the bottom bowl. That could be off a bit, either higher or lower, because I'm not sure of the exact number. I know that the arena has a possible seating area of over 16,000 people, but the 2 upper bowls of the arena aren't open, so lets go with the 9,000 number. Of those 9,000 seats, there were probably 500 people at the game last night. That might be low, but I'll tell you there was not 1,000, this was the smallest crowd of the year, excluding the -29 degree game I attended in Jan. After we had settled into our seats, someone at the end of our row from our group, decided that we needed to move lower. We moved down to the row just above the floor, so just before an usher. They have long given up on having ushers in the stands, they only have them on the floor to keep people like me back in the cheap seats. The usher that was guarding the floor comes up to me and says, "You can't sit there, those aren't your seats." We'll I know that, I'm not completely positive where my seats are. Now he appeared to get angry, but I'm not sure why. Before I could say anything, he said, a bit louder and a bit angry, "You can't sit there, let me see your ticket!" At this point, I'm starting to get pissed, so I said, "calm down, we'll move!" At this point, he made a face at me, got madder and demanded to see my ticket again. Did I mention that this is an arena with 9,000 seats, where maybe 500 are full and he wants me in my exact seat? Did I also mention that at no time did I attempt to argue or disagree with him? At this point, I'm laughing because I don't think I've ever seen anyone get this angry over a non-issue. The only problem we had was, apparently, the row we chose is supposed to be left empty, which might have been the route he should have taken instead of the interrogation and frothing from the mouth route he did take. He made his way down the line telling all 7 of us that we were in violation of some federal law or something(OK, maybe I made that part up) We got up, with tails between our legs, and made our way back up the stairs, 4 rows higher, and sat down again. I felt this was a safe enough distance as to not stir the hornets nest that was usher Grandpa. He didn't even have a radio, let alone a night stick or God forbid, a gun. A gun in this old mans hand just might make a night in Juarez seem tame. I spent the next 20 minutes trying to convince my brother go back and sit in the row and when the guy told him he couldn't sit there, move down a seat. If you continue this process, you could drive this guy right over the edge. I still feel that all he had to do was tell us that NOBODY can sit in that row, and we would have moved, conflict over. But customer service expert that he is, he chose to get puffed up and red over 3 or 4 rows. Now that I think of it, we should have just moved one row back, which technically, was what he asked us to do, but I figured he would take that as a sign of aggression, since sitting in the first row seemed to be. I think Gradpa might what to investigate a career that involves paper or garbage, he should stay away from people and by all means, stay away from animals. I feel better now that is off my chest.

COME ON!!!!!, Part 2

As a companion to my last post, here in Iowa, we have a number you can call if you see someone littering. If there is one thing that pisses me off (actually, there are a bunch), is some guy tossing a bag of garbage out his car window because he doesn't want to wait until he gets home or until the next time he fills up his car with gas. There are trash cans everywhere, so there is no excuse to toss it out. I was merging onto the local interstate one day, about a year ago, when the guy in the pickup truck in front of me tossed a fast food bag, filled to the rim with garbage, right out the window. It hit the ground and blew up with a multi colored paper explosion. I didn't know about the phone number then, so I didn't call. Plus, I was busy dodging all this stuff in the road, which at that instant, I didn't know what he had thrown out, could have been glass or puppies, didn't want to find out by running over it. I see people daily, tossing there lit cigarettes out the window, and if you live in Iowa, and I see you do it, your getting called on. More of a fire hazard, in the dry summer months, than it is a garbage problem. ( a fire was started a few years back that they tied directly to a tossed cigarette, and I'm sure there are more) My opinion is, if you have the smoking habit, fine, but put it out in the ashtray, not on the highway. Don't tell me it messes up you car or God forbid, you have to empty the ash tray. It's your habit, not mine, so if you think it is messy or gross, stop it. I used to shit my pants when I was little, but that's gross, so I don't do it any more. You wouldn't expect to see me driving down the road with my ass out the window because I didn't want to dirty up my car or put the doodoo in the proper receptacle, now would you? Don't answer that, you know what I mean. When you call the number, you give details like car make and model, color, where you saw them litter, what they threw out and of course, license plate number. They then send that car owner a letter, telling them that they were "caught" littering and I'm guessing a long winded explanation as to why we shouldn't do that. There is no fine, seeing as how people would call in on their buddies, just so they would get a ticket. I'm not sure that the letter will change their habits, but it might. I love my state and I think it's beautiful, in its own no mountain, no ocean, kind of way. In the spring, the road sides are usually covered in natural wild flowers and right now, the grass is a deep shade of green. We don't need to see the marketing campaigns of cell phone companies or out dated McDonalds coupons, jammed in the bushes because some lazy guy couldn't wait 10 minutes to be next to a garbage can. I'm trying to teach my kids the same thing, one, don't shit in your pants, and two, don't litter.