Thank you!

It’s been a long time my friends. I wasn’t even sure if I remembered how to log into my account, but as you can see, I got it. What has me writing after all of this time, you probably AREN’T asking yourself? Well, I had an experience last night that flushed out some old emotions and memories that I thought I needed to address. I had the pleasure of attending the practice night of the This is My Brave show (https://thisismybrave.org/). To say I was moved would be an understatement. If you don’t know what This is My Brave is, here is how they describe themselves.

A live presentation of touching essays, original music, and poetry will be performed by a dozen individuals living with―or loving someone with―a mental illness. The power of the human connection through the telling of personal experiences will grab hold of the audience for the show’s ninety minutes and beyond.

I was there because my Brave wife is speaking and I went for moral support and to tape her so she can give her best. The stories were amazing, sucking you in and I didn’t want them to end. If you know me well, then you know that people fascinate me. My friends tease me about my real crime books I read and I think my choice of TV shows causes my wife to sleep with one eye open. I’m fascinated with how people can do the things they do, or what causes them. But basically, I love to hear people’s stories. I listen to several Podcasts that are just that, real life stories. If you like that kind of stuff, I recommend Risk, The Mortified Podcast or Strangers. Last night, well, these were real people in our city, not on TV or one of my podcasts. These were people you might see every day. These people were us. Mental illness is everywhere and it is time we start treating it with the same vigor that we treat Cancer or Diabetes. It’s real, and people suffer, especially with the shame that society has put on it. Nobody should be ashamed of their mental illness; it’s just that, an illness. I don’t ever remember being ashamed of my mom or dad when they were fighting cancer. But there are problems with trying to treat a mental illness, and I can tell you from firsthand experience, it is frustrating and, pardon my language, fucking stupid. Insurance companies don’t cover treatment. Government officials don’t think it exists, or if they think it exists, they sure as hell don’t show it. I’m not going to get political, but the governor of our state has closed mental hospitals in our state, so much that we are short on beds for those that need them. Now our jails are filling up with people who aren’t criminals, but need supervision and jail is the only place open. OK, enough of that. So listening last night, brought back memories of when Marcy was hospitalized in Minnesota, and what life was like. It reminded me of the things that failed me/us. Insurance companies, organizations and systems failed us. But more importantly, it reminded me of what things DIDN’T fail. Friends, family, neighbors and strangers with a kind heart, did not fail us, and I wanted to thank them. Our friends provided food, support and financial support, which quite frankly saved us from bankruptcy, thank you. Our neighbors brought us food and helped drive kids around so I could be where I needed to be, thank you. Heck, even my office provided me with a laptop so I could work from home and the president of my company pulled me into his office and said to do whatever I needed to do, and he meant it and backed it up. My co-workers covered my ass when I was coming in late and leaving early so I could pick up and deliver kids, thank you. I was sent text’s, received phone calls and visits, just to be sure I was ok, thank you. It was tough for me, because I was raised to do it on my own, but I couldn’t, so thank you. There was a lot of pride swallowing done during that time, and I thank you. The one time I posted my frustration on Facebook, which I don’t normally do, I was flooded with texts and instant messages checking on me, thank you. My ex in-laws called me to check on me, which really didn’t surprise me, knowing them, but still, they read my desperation and offered help, thank you. I’ve been blessed in my life to be around people that care about people. I couldn’t ask for anything better. Then there is my family. How would I have survived without my family? I wouldn’t have. That was a dark and scary time in my life. It was lonely and difficult and every day I wondered if I would survive, both physically and mentally. I was exhausted. I was done. But my family kept asking. They kept cheering. They kept helping, so thank you. Every night, I put the boys in bed, looked at their faces and knew I could do it. I knew things would get better, and they did. And that was the main story line from last night. Keep working, keep pushing, keep talking, and don’t be ashamed.