It is what it is.

That is my new life's motto. Doesn't sound all that encouraging, but it's realistic, and that is what I am, a realist. I understand life isn't always what we want it to be. I know that wishes, dreams and prayers don't always turn out the way we think they should. I prayed alot that my mom wouldn't die from the terrible disease that had taken over her body, but she did, probably for HER best. I prayed that my dad wouldn't die from the same disease a year later, but he did, probably for HIS best. Neither of these were in MY best interest, I was loosing a link to my childhood, grandparents for my kids, advice from people who had been there and just the love that they had for me. Love isn't always enough. I spent the next 10 years watching people I loved die, not as up close and personal as being at my mom and dad's bedside when they passed, but still having the ache of loosing a beloved family member. There was nothing I could do about it, it was what it was. That is the way life is, there are so many things that are out of your control, and you just watch from the side lines, and pray. I'm spending a lot of time praying lately, but it is what it is. I'm doing a lot of kid things, alone, but it is what it is. I'm sleeping alone alot, but it is what it is. I'm running all over town trying to get kids dropped off, picked up, to practices, to games, trying to keep my Iowa grass from growing over my head and trying to feed the kids well enough so they don't all end up with scurvy, or worse, but it is what it is. I'm in charge of a lot, but in control of little. I'm concerned for my future, but all I can do is pray, love and then pray some more. To all of you who have provided food, support and childcare, thanks. I would be up that creek without a paddle if it weren't for you. If I haven't thanked you in person, it isn't for the lack of wanting to, just the lack of time. I'm looking forward to the day when life is back to "normal," whatever that is. I guess it will be what it will be.