Fricking Iowa!

Don't take my post title as me changing my over all feelings of Iowa, just know that there are times when the weather is beyond understanding. People make fun of weather forecasters for their wrong predictions, but in reality, it is a tough thing to predict, weather that is. So last week, we enjoyed 70 degree temps, sunny skies and a dream spring. Then, Tuesday, we had what typically happens in Iowa in the spring, storms and yes, tornadoes. We had several near our home that touched down and did damage, but nobody was hurt, so not too bad. Then, this morning, this is what I woke up to.

It may not be much, but dang, lets be done with the white stuff.

I mentioned last week that I was going to The Container Store while we were up in MN, so I know you have spent many a sleepless nights, wondering how it was. To a person like me, it's like crack to a junkie. What I would have done for a few more dollars to purchase the must needed 5-section Cutlery Caddy. I need these things, they are very important to my survival. OK, the store is full of crap that would make an overly organized person pee in their pants, but for me, it was like the feeling I used to get when I was a stumbling drunk. I guess it's a good thing they don't have this store in Des Moines. Otherwise, you would find me out front asking people to buy me a Automatic Sugar Dispenser and bring it out to me, since I would have been band during the Grand Opening for caressing the Rhombus Storage Totes.

Just outside the store, there was this gas fireplace that we were able to sit at and warm up after our walk around the lake.

Minneapolis is a great city to visit, just not sure the traffic and snow are what I would be looking to increase if I was looking to move.

I wanted to add another "proof" that Iowan's are nice people. Somebody has knitted a handle warmer for the night deposit slot at our local library.

I'm not sure this is necessary, but some nice person has seen to it that nobody gets stuck to the metal handle in February. Tell me someone in Chicago would do that.

If you read my Facebook post last night, then you know I had a run in with a Chinese delivery guy. He showed up at 7:30pm last night, well after we had eaten. When I went to the door, he was ready to take my money and leave me the food, cept I didn't order anything. I LOVE Chinese, so I was tempted to just pay for it and see what my surprise snack was, but I figured it must be a neighbor and when the whole story finally came out, somehow I would be made out to be the bad guy. I decided to come clean and tell him it wasn't mine, but his little delivery ticket appeared to have my address on it, so he wasn't leaving my house without a very good explanation or a police escort. He kept pointing to the address, which might have had my number on it, but I couldn't tell for sure. The guy didn't speak very good English, so every time I said I didn't order anything, he pointed to that ticket like I was going to suddenly remember that I had indeed ordered and would be happy to pay for the mystery food and give a big tip. Maybe I was hungry and subconsciously placed my order. If that is the case, and I have this power, I can get in a lot of trouble. I finally saw a phone number on the ticket and told him he should call that number and then slowly closed my door, while he was still pointing to the scribbled address. He walked back to his car and I watched to be sure he wasn't getting anything that may have caused damage to my house. He sat in his car for a few more minutes, which I can only assume he was attempting to contact the rightful owner, then he drove off. Whoever finally got their food, just a bit colder due to the 5 minute arguement.

Check the back of the toilet.

If you saw my Facebook post last night, then you know that Marcy found a $20 bill in the coffee maker in our hotel room. My hope was that some paranoid millionaire stayed in the Marriott Towne Suites on his last trip to Minneapolis and he hid his millions, that he carries in cash with him at all times, all over the suite that is now mine. I've looked in a few places, I couldn't help myself, but no luck. I still need to cut the mattress open, so I'll let you know if anything changes, or, my next post will be from Jamaica.

I dropped off Marcy at her morning appointments and was going to bring the van back so I had it until my appointment at 1pm. At the place Marcy goes, there is one of those traffic round abouts in front of the building. I hate these things, because we don't live in London and most of the people trying to drive on them have no idea HOW to drive on them. There are stop signs at each entrance to the round about, so we stopped. There was a taxi approaching the entrance to our right, so Marcy started to go, then stopped. I said, he has a stop sign, so she started to go and dude just blew the sign. I guess that red octagon was confusing, maybe we should make them a brighter color than red and make all of the stop signs in the country look they same, so as to not confuse people. Marcy was able to stop and the driver looked at us with a scowl, which you would when you have just broken the law and almost t-boned someone else. I mouthed, "You have a stop sign" while pointing to the sign. Needless to say, he was unfazed. We pulled to the front of the building and Marcy stopped about 3 car lengths behind him. I suggested she pull up, but that wasn't happening. I told her I needed to have a conversation with the guy, she suggested I did not. I wouldn't really, I'm like a poodle, all bark and no bite. I was wearing my dork hat, so maybe he would just think I was special. Here is a shot of me in my dork hat.

I guess if I was going to say dork about anything, it would be my fat face. Look at that double chin. Holy crap that's a mug, I'm not sure how Marcy keeps her hands off of me, but she manages.

My trip to MN has been pretty relaxing, mainly because I've done nothing. I've read a little and will do more of that today. I've written a little, which is probably done unless I get that Jamaica money. It's a bit colder here today, so not sure I will do much hiking, but Marcy and I are going to a storage store today, which feeds my anal organization issue. If I had my way, our entire house would be a series of labeled, plastic tubs and cabinets, everything in its place. What I have, however, are several plastic storage containers, stacked on top of other containers, with little to no clue what is in them or if they will continue to stay in the vertical position. If I had to guess, I would say that I have at least one Lego in every room of the house, including bathrooms. Are they playing in the bathroom? I don't want to know. Marcy may have to pull me out of the store kicking and screaming that "I NEED THAT.' It's a lot like our trips to Victoria's Secret.

Is this normal?

What is my deal? Why must I hunt down the Castle at every stop I make, and actually plan my trip around a quick lunch there? I mean, sure, it a nutritious and all. Lets do the break down. First, you start with a pure, 100%, beef like substance. Next, you add fresh, dehydrated onions. For God's sake, there is a pickle on it, that's a vegetable, right. Throw in the cheese like substance and a now soggy bun, you are talking about natures perfect food. I'm not sure what my fascination is. Maybe its a psychological trigger back to my childhood, where we had these and my brother and I had competitions to see who could eat the most sliders. In these battles, I am current champ with 9 gut busters. That isn't a lot in the grand scheme of things, but if you have ever eaten that many, you know the damage it does to your insides, so you are taking your life into your own hands when you consume this much goodness. Not to mention the harm you do to those around you with the aftermath. Today, I stuck to my normal number, five. If you ask me if I had fries with that, then you my friend, are not a true slider fan. Why in the hell would you contaminate the brew in your gut, with potatoes and more grease? Stupid question. They should remove the offending vegetable from the menu. That is my opinion. And yes, I will be going back tomorrow for a double dip.

For as much as I love Iowa, it is always fun to get to Minnesota for a few days. The city is set up kind of crazy, compared to Des Moines, even though we are heading down the same path. The Minnesotans put there housing, right smack dab in the middle of their business districts. In Iowa, for the most part, you have housing in one area of town and businesses in another, so if you want anything, you have to travel. But up in the great north, you can step out of your house, walk 20 feet and you are at a restaurant, or store, or bar. I'm not sure I would like to live so close to the noise and hubub, but it would be nice if you cracked open the fridge and had a carrot and ketchup. You could be seated in a dining establishment in a matter of moments, chocking down a burger from Applebee's, and might not even have to put on pants. I've never seen a sign that says "No shirt, no shoes, no pants, no service," so I'm guessing pants are optional. You might not want to hike a couple of miles, pantless, but walking right next door might not be out of line of the things you would do for a Klondike bar.

On this trip up, we were walking from the building we were visiting to a Panera Bread to get Marcy some lunch, since I had all ready chowd down at the Castle, and we came across a large pile of snow with an interesting pink glove inbeded in it. I decided that this appeared to be a keeper and bent down to pick it up. Well Marcy reacted like I was scooping up a pile of dog shit, totally flipping out like I was going to acquire some hideous disease that would eat the flesh off my fingers. My thought was, claim this one and wait till spring to see if the other one surfaces so I would have the matching pair. They were pink, so I wasn't going to wear it, but I was thinking about a Christmas present. Granted, they would have to be laundered, but a quick run around the washing machine and you have a slightly less offensive gift for the one you love. OK, maybe not love, but certainly like enough to give a used pair of gloves. The chances of the other glove showing up, or not being claimed by some other Christmas savvy shopper, were slim, but if you don't score Lefty, you'll never know if Righty will complete the set. Needless to say, Lefty is still sitting on it's perch is St. Louis Park, Minnesota, if you are interested. I guess the thing I hadn't considered, was when this snow melts, and Righty shows himself, will the former owner still be attached? I certainly don't want to be in possession of Lefty, if Righty is the prime piece of evidence at a crime scene. I guess you all will not be receiving a sweet pair of gloves for Christmas.

If you've ever been to the twin cities, then you know that they are really set up for outdoor activities. Minnesota is "The Land of 10,000 Lakes," and there is a paved trail around all of them. I can't speak for all of them, but the one that Marcy and I walked around, was fairly clear of snow. You have to remember, no matter what the temperature it is at your part of the country, the northern states are still in winter, even if it is close to the end. At home, all of the snow has melted and the temps have been in the 50's. I heard it was getting into the upper 60's today, and since in was in the mid 50's when we left, I'm sure it did. However, as we drove north, the temperature dropped until we got here and the thermometer read 42 degrees. The hotel we are staying at, has row houses right next to it, then it is right back into the businesses. I decided to let Marcy have the van for her afternoon appointments, so I walked over to the Quiznos to pick up my dinner. Like I said, there are sidewalks and trails everywhere, so I wasn't worried about having a paved trail all the way there, about a mile or so. The weather is beautiful, so I put on my stocking cap, which I learned today that Marcy thinks I look like a dork in, and my headphones and started my hike. I saw a funny thing as I walked, that I see at home as well, and it cracks me up. I passed a woman, I'd guess in her late 20's to early 30's, and she caught my attention for her very short shorts, Ugg boots and bag of dog crap she was carrying. I'm glad to see that she is a responsible pet owner, but it makes me laugh to see someone who appears to be trying to look sexy, carrying a bag of shit. I see it in my neighborhood all the time. I don't live on a street with expensive houses, but they are right across a cross street. I see the rich ladies, in their nice, stylish clothes, their french cut nails, there expensive hairdo's, walking their fluffy white dogs, carrying a big bag of poop. I will say that most of the walking I did today was dominated by the doggy poop hop skip and jump. I guess the lady with the shorts was an exception to the rule in MN. Getting back to my walk, I made it all the way to the shopping center that housed the Quiznos and a few other stores, and started to try and plot my path from the side walk, through the parking area to the opposite side to my dinner. The public works department might clear the sidewalks well, but the owners of this particular shopping center, sucks at it. The trails I was on kept disappearing into Mount Everest size mountains of slowly melting snow. I kept walking further and further from my destination, so I decided to go off road and cross a grassy knoll so I could get to a concrete oasis I saw a bit closer to my objective. As I stepped off the safety of the semi clear sidewalk, I sunk into the uber soft tundra of what I now call, the Costco swamp. I have one pair of shoes with me, and they are now in danger of become water socks at a rapid rate. I tried my best Jesus move and took off running to try and stay on top of the water. As I said in an earlier post, I am NOT Jesus, so I did not achieve my goal of keeping my shoes dry. I will say, do to my incredible speed and cat like reflexes, the full depth of the swamp was not felt in my Reeboks, so I should be good to go tomorrow. I made it to my destination, purchased my yummy food, and headed back into the parking lot. Using the information I gained from my first summit attempt, I worked my way back to the southern tip of the lot, and arrived safely at my hotel for dinner. As I cut through the Costco lot, side stepping the swamp, a gentleman was walking to his car, which was parked as far as you could get from the store. He was carrying his purchases and his eyes were locked on me. I know I'm tall and not the smallish of people, but am I that scary? My newly discover dork cap was on, so the bald head was not a factor, which it is in a lot of children encounters. I have frightened many a small child when I wave from the heights that I do. Maybe it's because they can't see my face in the clouds, I don't know. If this guy had mace, he had it at the ready. I'm pretty sure this guy was ready to toss me his pizza and whatever else he was carrying, and he would run off into the hills. I tried to give him my best "I'm not going to hurt you" smile, but it didn't appear to calm his nerves. I think he snarled at me. I wanted to do that thing you do to kids when you are acting like you are going to run after them, by kind of jumping at them so they will react, but I'm allergic to mace and didn't want to go through that again.

What's that thing hanging down?

Do you see anything wrong with this picture? Could it be, that this particular "wireless" mouse has a wire, which would make the "wireless" a false advertisement? Or perhaps their web guy doesn't fully look at the pictures when he types the description. I don't know, but I hope this isn't the new thing, wired wireless. Sounds like a step backwards to me.

New truck?

When people get a new vehicle, they go to great lengths to protect that vehicle, and I don't blame them. I guess I have a realist attitude, my thought is, it's probably going to get scratched at some point. I'm not parking in a field in Illinois so I can be sure that when I go into the store, that nobody will scratch my paint. For those that do, more power to you. If there is a space at the back of the lot and you want to hike it to the mall with your backpack and tent, be my guess. My question is, at what point do you decide to NOT do that anymore? There has to be a time when you say, screw it, I'm not catching a cab from the mall parking lot to the door anymore. When does that occur? After the first scratch? After the first year? After it's paid off? Somebody please help me here. There are some people that decide they are just going to go ahead and park sideways and take up several spots, so you won't be able to park near them, and they won't have to hike it in from the back forty. Here is an example.

Normally, this pisses me off to no end. If your vehicle is so damn precious, then leave it at home and walk. I can't tell you how badly I want to squeeze into that spot on the right so he, and I KNOW it's a guy, can't get out. Now, I would be doing this just to piss him off, so not a good idea, but would he have the right to be mad? I mean, he isn't parking between the lines, so why should he be mad at me if I did the same? I'm guessing he wouldn't see it that way. There were plenty of spots and he wasn't right up front, so this particular incident didn't really bother me, but it was a good example of what pushes me to want to do something that will only end up in me getting my ass kicked. So instead, I just write about the person here. But someday, someone is going to push me so far that I, I, well, I don't know, but I'm guessing I will say something that isn't very nice to them, under my breath when they are nowhere near me.

I'm not an expert, but......

You know I'm not a political person, although I do vote. I don't watch very many debates. I don't try to convince my friends that this person will be better in office than that person, its just not in me. I just don't think, that in the long run, the people we vote into office will put the good of the people, or the country, first. I feel that they are normally more concerned about being re-elected or toeing the party line, whether the party has a clue about the American people or not. I have lots of other opinions, but I'll keep them to myself. The big issue right now is going on in Wisconsin. I won't pretend that I have a clue as to what all the hubub is about, and honestly, I don't care to look into it. Does that make me a bad person, or bad citizen? Maybe, but I don't live in WI, so it isn't really my business. The same thing appears to be going on here in Iowa as well, and unfortunately, I don't have any more of an opinion about the issue here, as I have about WI. The politicians here are fighting over a bill, that both sides agree, has 0% chance to pass. Seriously? It has 0% chance to pass, but you have so far spent 2 entire days debating and a third today, with no end insight? Normally, I would say, the more time they are tied up debating the 0% chance bill, the less damage they can do on other topics, but in this case, they let $14.5 million dollars from the federal government get away , that would have gone to the unimploied of Iowa, because they were too busy pissing in the wind. Maybe there is more to it, but that is how I see it. I just read that the Republicans have finally gotten to a "sick of it" point and are forcing a vote to end the madness. Hey wait, somebody got their head out of their ass? Mark it on the calendar. Of course, the Democrats are pissed, so now they know how the voters feel. Just so you know, this is not at shot at Democrats from some holier than thou Republican. I'm a registered Democrat, but I vote on everything and person, as a separate issue, regardless of what my "party" thinks. They aren't always right. I refuse to vote party line, for anything. The whole thing is a mess.

On another note, Libya. This is a mess. Here is a question. First, we know that we don't like Momar, not a good guy. There are all kinds of leaders that aren't good guys, but we can't do anything about all of them. So why do we feel the need to step in here? Now I'm not for people being killed in a war like this, but this is an internal issue, Libyans against Libyans. Now, put the US in this situation. Lets say one of the thousands of Militia in the US, decides they are going to take over the government. Our government starts to fight back. Do we allow another country to step in and say, while fighting this uprising, "You can't do that." For us to impose a no-fly zone, seems that we are sticking our nose into a powder keg of problems. I'm glad to hear that our President is hesitant to start off, so lets hope that one of the other countries that are hot and heavy on this plan, takes the lead. It does seem a bit unfair that the government of Libya has planes and the rebels do not, but if you pick a fight with a bully, he is going to use all his weapons, not hold back because he feels sorry for you. All of this being said, I understand that the government is corrupt and they are just trying to get a voice. That's awesome and totally understandable, and I know that America is all about democracy in the world, but maybe on this one, we don't run out onto the field first.

Alex, I'll take "What is frustration?" for $200.

What was your favorite toy when you were a kid? Rhetorical, don't tell me, I don't really care, but I'm going to tell you mine because I know I'm so interesting and you are dying to know. I had two favorites, as I come to think of it, Matchbox cars and Legos. My brother and I had hundreds of Matchbox cars and dug roads into the side of the hill in our backyard in Virginia. We had a whole city set up with those roads. Each of us had our own "houses" which were parking lots for the cars that lived at that "house." We would play for hours, running our own soap operas as the cars went from place to place, had races, police chases and all of the activities of a real town. There were a lot of accidents in that town, as I remember, which scratched a lot of paint. None of that would have been a big deal, until I found a book one time that showed pictures of old Matchbox cars and what they are worth today, in mint condition. Lets just say that if I had taken better care of those cars, my butler would be typing this and I would be sipping a beer, no, champagne, and laying on the beach in Maui. OK, maybe not Maui, but at least St. Petersburg.

Next favorite toy, Legos. I loved the ability to make whatever my mind could think of. We had a good sized box full of every shape, size and color that the Lego people made. The sets you bought back then weren't nearly as detailed as the sets of today. My kids have a Lego plane, that took me hours to build and they smashed on its maiden flight that, tragically, did not end at the airport. Had our own episode of Lost in the family room, without the tropical back drop. The blocks back then were simple, so everything you made had a square feel to it. If I had made a plane out of Legos back then,you wouldn't be able to tell it was a plane since it looked like the Winnebago I made the day before. They really only had one kind of wheel, so every vehicle started with the same base, so the wheels would actually roll. They were fantastic and we didn't care that what we built, didn't look like what it was, you had to use your imagination. Today's kits look exactly like what they are supposed to be, the detail is amazing. There are moving parts, hinges and all kids of wheel options. We didn't have doors when we were kids. We made everything with a gaping hole in it to allow the Lego guys to get in. That proves troublesome when you make a plane, seeing as how cabin pressure is hard to control with a four lego wide opening on the side. Don't even think about putting in an emergency door in the back or you'd have a wind tunnel ripping you and all of your in flight reading material right out the back. As always, when you have something that is fantastic and popular, there will be knock offs. Over the years, I have seen several different companies try to make the same kind of block, but not quite as good, so not quite as expensive. The current brand is Best-Lock Construction Toys. They offer several different sets, but the two I want to discuss are the garbage truck and the backhoe.

Lets start with the garbage truck. My youngest son loves anything construction or in his eyes, anything related to construction. Maybe it is just working trucks, because he loves garbage trucks. When he isn't in school, he is so excited on trash day so he can watch the garbage truck come down our street and pick up or trash. I'm glad he is so easily entertained, but the Best-Lock system has a few issues. Here is a shot of the completed truck.

Good looking truck, right. This truck lifts in the back so you can dump the trash out. The problem is, every time you lift the back end, the whole thing comes off. This does not sit well with a five year old. I've put the damn thing back on 100 times and we've had it for 2 weeks. I put it on, I get the "Thanks dad," then he leaves the room, only to return a minute later with two pieces of truck instead of the one he left with and a not so happy face. The first thing I say is, it's not my assembly skills that are the issue, its a loose fitting Best-Lock material. I'm not sure he believes me, so my man card is in question, in his eyes. Seeing as how the dump ability of the truck is the main reason he wants to play with it, kind of takes the fun out of it.

The backhoe. Now this truck is very basic truck. The main draw is the scoop on the back, that is where all the action is. One problem and I think you can guess it. Yep, the whole scoop detaches from the truck, but at least it only does it when you are trying to use it. Wait, that isn't a plus, is it?

I think Max has given up on this one all together, since the back usually comes off while you are transporting it to the play area from the fix it shop on dads lap. I'm seriously considering super gluing the pieces together that would make the garbage truck and backhoe work properly. That will limit the kids ability to be creative in the future, but I'm starting to not care.