OCTOBER!

My last post was a long way back. As you may know, my life has been crazy. Not in the way where people say their lives are crazy because they are busy, but crazy in trying to be a part time single parent (thankfully, its just part time), trying to stay caught up at work, which is extremely busy, which I am thankful for, and trying to deal with extreme disappointments that came out of no where, from a source I never expected. Life, it is what it is. They say what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. Just call me Popeye. Since I'm not going to use my blog as a whine fest, or call out those people in my life that have disappointed me (I celebrate Christmas, not festivess, and if you didn't watch Seinfeld, then you don't know what that is), I thought I might share a few more mug shots that made me laugh.

First of, this nine year old must have been caught skipping elementary school.

And this years award for hairiest guy goes too:

Can't you just see the attitude in this picture? I'm guessing there were some naughty words during her arrest, just guessing.

You'll never guess what this lady was arrested for. Prostitution. I hope at the end of the day, she is still broke, cause that is scary.

Bad Santa.

Is this the second coming of Jesus?

I'm not sure this guy understands he has just been arrested.

Not sure what happened here, but is that Linda Blair?

Two things here. He appears to have either a bandage or piece of paper on top of his head. Second, is that his lip or is he sticking out his tongue?

And finally, the most inappropriate comment of the day, "Don't make me tell you again!"


Disclaimer: beating a woman is never acceptable, it was a joke, so don't post nasty comments.

Can you post a picture like that?

If you know me, you know my sense of humor can be called, juvenile, at times. When I hear my 5 year old say “crap,” I think that is funny, inappropriate for a 5 year old to say, but no less funny. When I wedged a Lego between my toes and it hurt like hell, and I let it be known by saying “Fucking toy,” I meant it. When my then 5 year old son repeated it from the next room, funny. When mom heard me say it and then him repeat it, not so funny. If I hear a name of a person that seems close to a word that might be considered naughty or questionable, that’s funny to me. Example, we have a teacher, I’m sure a fine teacher, whose last name is Spick. When I was growing up, not a nice word. So to hear someone has that word as their name, funny. It’s like if you met a guy and his name was Richard Penis. I would laugh for a week on that one. I’m giggling now and I just made it up. So why am I bringing this up? Well, I was working in our garden the other day, getting more vegetables out of it than we have in months, when I saw we had some more carrots to dig up. There were several that had grown together, so I worked hard to get them out, and this is what I saw.


Right away, I see legs, and more. Maybe the “normal” person sees some carrots grown together, but I see a big carrot penis, I’m sorry. I wish I could stop it, but I can’t. You might ask, why is it a big deal, this defect you have to see odd or funny things in objects that are neither funny or appropriate? When I held the carrot anatomy lesson up to show Marcy, she knew exactly what I saw in it. That’s a bad thing, because before she met me, I guarantee you she would have thought nothing of it. I’m a bad influence on my wife, I know that, and I apologize. But come on, I’m not wrong that it looks like a carrot dude, who I might add is very un-proportionate. Right?

I solemly swear

Today, I make this promise to both of my blog readers. This is my last picture of my office bathroom. This month. Our "Never out" toilet paper dispensers have been replace with your standard holder. We all ready have one causualty.

I'm amazed at the trouble we have had in this department.

You tell me

What are they trying to sell here? This was an add I found on the internet.

Don't ever say that they don't use sex to sell. Not that you would say that anyway.

Mystery

Every Friday, we get donuts at our office. It's a great perk from a company that all ready supplies me Coca-Cola all day. Notice I didn't just say Coke, for fear of a random search that would lead to a visit from the local authorities. Most Fridays, after the first wave of employee's have taken their donut of choice, there are always a few stragglers that weren't selected, either because people are gone so there are extras, or because that particular donut just doesn't appeal to anyone. Now the rest of the day, those donuts just sit there, getting dry, hard and having little chance of being taken. But there is something that happens to these donuts, that confuses me. If you watch them, they start to disappear, not one at a time, but piece by piece. Here is a shot I took after the first wave. You will notice that there is a knife in the box, which is weird.

I left and came back awhile later.

You can see that we have lost a piece of this donut. I came back a bit later and you can see we have a second victim.

A little later and you can see that a second attack on this cherry filled donut has occurred.

Then we have a third victim.

You can see that some of the "bites" are small, so I'm not sure why they are doing it. I mean, would you go into an office break room and pick up a donut that has been hacked up by who knows who? My thought is, either take the whole donut or stick to the diet you are trying to be true too. As the day goes on, these donuts disappear, so maybe other people don't mind eating them. Or, my guess is, the same person comes back again and again, taking it piece by piece. Maybe they think that if you take the entire day to eat a donut, that it somehow will not register the same number of calories. Here is my thought on all of this. Take the fricking donut to your desk and hack it up at your leisure, but I guess that's just me.

Dude, you said no more.

Hear me out, I'm not in the same shitter, this is different. Apparently my pictures and confusion has struck a cord with people, or at least Chad. Maybe we shouldn't judge the level of interest in this subject by him, since he was the one that took a picture of me using the facilities in South Africa.

That being said, Chad sent me a photo of another confusing placement of a toilet paper dispenser.

I've seen paper towel dispensers that aren't that high. I'm not sure if they were just trying to get it over the handicap poles, then didn't want to mess up the tiles, or if the guy hanging it has a torso that is 6 feet long, so this is the proper height while he is sitting down. Perhaps he only stands to get his paper. I'm not sure, but I did find this was worthy of a post, fits right in with most of my posts for the past month. I'm now on a mission to document all of the crazy stuff I see in bathrooms, so lock the stall if I'm with you.

No bathroom mentions in this post

I learned something yesterday, that I will need to keep in mind going forward. Makiah has never been to an actual football game and hasn’t seen very many on TV. Those that he has watched, I wouldn’t say he watched with undivided attention. This helps me in this way. I was mowing the grass last night and came across a football in my path, so not wanting to kill the engine to move it, I whistled for Makiah who was playing nearby so he could come move it. Is that lazy? Of course, but that isn’t the issue. He grabbed the football and I decided that I would show my manly manliness and whistled for him to toss the ball to me. I then killed the engine, which I was too lazy to do a minute ago, and punted the football across the yard. Now I have a pretty big yard, and Makiah was mightily impressed, giving me an ego boosting “Whoaaaaaaa!” I started the mower and proceeded on my way. The issue here is, Makiah’s perception of what is a big kick. Since he hasn’t seen a real game, it appears I’m the Worlds Best Punter, which is where my lesson comes in. I should NEVER take Makiah to a real football game or allow him to watch any punting on TV. I will keep my status as the Worlds Best Punter, he never needs to know the truth. A dad always wants to be the hero in their kids eyes, this is one way I can pad my stats and hopefully help make up for the lost points when I can’t do something. Perhaps he will think, “At least he can kick a football really far.” As long as he never sees a real kicker, he will never know that my 10 yard punt will get you nothing. Except for maybe a contract to kick for the Washington Redskins. Sorry, still bitter about last week’s loss.