Parenting 101

Parenting is a hard job. If you have kids, you all ready know that. If you don’t, just wait. That being said, I’m all for trying to do everything you can to make it easier. My system, avoid getting yourself into issues by trying to think, if I let this happen now or if I do something, how will that translate into future behavior/expectations? This isn’t easy, but I’m a planner, so I try. It’s funny how anything you say or do, can come back to haunt you. The harder part is trying to avoid issues from other peoples parenting, that then affect your kids and their behavior/actions. If those kids do something, you have to jump on it to be sure that isn’t interpreted as a, “If he can do it, I can do it.” Let me give you a neighborhood example. As you know, I have 3 boys. What you may not know is there is a house 3 doors down, also with 3 boys about the same age. It works great for play time, but this is where I get into the “If he can do it, I can do it” scary time. The other boys aren’t bad, but their parents do things different than we do. I’m not going to say our way is better, but for us, it is. They are raising their boys to be all boy, if you know what I mean. They like aggression, motorcycles and language that might not be appreciated in school or church. They are encouraged to fight it out. One thing that is encouraged is pee’ing outside. Not a big deal, we’ve all done it, but the issue is, there is a 4 year old and a 5 year old that don’t really understand the boundaries or location of this act. They pee in their yard all of the time, front yard, back yard or side yard, it’s all open for business. We’ve asked our boys to please refrain from this unless it’s absolutely necessary. My whole issue is, we aren’t in the country, so you are visible. I doubt anyone would call the police to report a 4 year old for indecent exposure, but I guess I think, why risk it? People love to sue each other, and that is a game I don’t want to play. Plus, because they don’t seem to understand that you don’t really want to pee where you are currently playing, I’d just assume they focus on putting all bodily fluids that are expelled, in the toilet. What they do in their yard, however, is none of my business, so pee away. Where the issue comes in, is when these boys come to my yard and want to do the same thing. I’m not happy with my yard being turned into a urinal. The other day, I was doing dishes and looked out the window to watch the 5 year old drop his pants and pee on the dirt hill that Max was currently loading into his truck. Before I could yell my complete disgust, his 4 year old brother was right IN FRONT OF HIM doing the same thing, plus adding his brothers shoe to the landing zone. If they want to pee on each other, fine, not my laundry, but again, Max is sitting right there in the line of fire. I’m happy to report that Max stayed dry and we sent all 3 boys out front, since their playing field was now a bit muddy. Their excuse as to why they were pee’ing in my yard was, “I couldn’t make it to the bathroom.” About an hour later, I went outside to move some stuff from the front yard to the back, when I noticed a unusual rain pattern on the side of my house. What was really odd about it, was it hadn’t rained in a few days. Max was nearby, so I asked him what happened there and I was informed that the 2 boys from earlier, apparently, couldn’t make it home in time, so they pee’ed on my house. Not a killer on the house, but damn, buy these kids some Pampers. They both showed up soon after the revelation, so I explained to them how I didn’t appreciate them pissing on my house, which fell on deaf ears, mainly because they are 4 and 5 and it’s perfectly fine to do at home. We made it clear to our boys that this wasn’t something we encouraged and that they needed to try and make it into the bathrooms. I didn’t want this behavior to continue through to my boys. Next day, I get a frantic “telling on” by one of the neighbor kids that Max just pee’d on their 4 year old. My response, “Where do you think he learned it?” Apparently, got the kid on the shirt, and unfortunately, in the face. (hahahahaha) Sorry about that, couldn’t hold it in. I pulled Max aside and went over the we don’t pee on people speech, again. I finally thought we had the whole “using my yard as a shitter” fixed, when I heard an unusual request from Marcy.

Marcy: Max, tell daddy what (I will leave the kids name out to protect his guilt, but he is 4 years old) did in the back yard.
Max: Nope
Marcy: Tell daddy.
Max: no words, just a stare.
Now daddy is getting pissed.
Daddy to Marcy: Can you just tell me?
Marcy to daddy: (4 year old) pooped in our back yard.

SON OF A BITCH!!!!! What is wrong with these kids? My theory? They are taught it’s ok to pee in the yard, what’s the difference? Where do you draw the line? Well doesn’t that just make your day. Not only do I have to dodge dog crap in the front yard from inconsiderate people, but I have to dodge people crap in the back yard. I got the story, and I won’t disgust you with the mess that occurred, it involved hands, back of legs and I’m guessing shoes. It also involved said 4 year old walking down the street with his pants down, covered in, well, poop. Anyway, I’m not sure, but we may need to have the “this is why we don’t try to poop in the back yard and then bury it” speech. Never thought I would have to write such a speech. I can’t refer to Dr. Martin Luther King for inspiration. I’m guessing he never had to write a speech like that either. Just as a side note, the 4 year olds 5 year old brother pooped in his own yard awhile back, sooooooo.