Summer Vacation

The plans are coming together for this summers drive to hell, I mean vacation. The house is rented, but for some reason, I thought we needed more time at the beach, so I reserved an ocean front hotel room for 2 nights as well. I was told by the dude at the hotel, that ''You walk out your room door, and your on the beach." We'll see if that is true or not in June. Plus, according to their website, the building we are staying in was just renovated for this season. Not sure if that means they put a new roll of toilet paper in there, just changed the sheets for the first time since the Reagan years, or if it means they updated the decor in the room. Again, we'll see in June. If either of the first two is the case, you will hear about it along with Biff at the front desk, or whatever his name was. Now the question is, when do we leave Iowa and what do we do until we can check in, in NC? I'm now looking at possibly leaving the weekend before we get into the house, making this a two week decline in my mental health, instead of making it a quick one week trip. Don't get me wrong, I love my boys (and wife) and I'm really looking forward to showing the kids (and wife) that part of the country, but I'm also a realist and I know it will be several years before I ever take on a challenge like this again. Going out there, I may be able to fend off the "Are we there yet?" questions, since we will take the drive in small chunks, but coming home, Lord help me! Plus, the fighting, oh the fighting, and I'm not just talking about Marcy and me:) The boys now play a game called, "I'm going to ignore you, even though I know you are talking to me, so you will start yelling at me, louder and louder and louder, but I won't acknowledge you until you are beyond tears and dad snaps and makes me say 'What?'" It sounds like a fun game when you read it, but trust me, first time they break into that game and one of them is in the car top carrier. Milton Bradley looked at publishing the game, but the title didn't fit on the box and I refuse to compromise the title, so its a no go. I'm doing some research on some national parks along the way to check out, one is Cumberland Gap. I was there years ago when I did a mission in Appalachia and the whole area is beautiful. They have a spot in the park where you can stand in KY, TN and VA all at the same time. Doesn't sound that impressive to me, but to a 7 year old and a 5 year old, they thought it sounded pretty cool. It's also free, which does sound impressive to me since the gas is going to run about $2 million to get out there and back. I need to see if they can hook my anger to a generator to power the van. That way, if I snap, the game mentioned before, and the endless food and potty breaks, will only add to the great mileage we will be getting. If they could figure out a way to hook my sarcasm to a generator, I could power all of your vehicles as well. The best thing about that invention, if they could do it, is my family could solve the fuel crisis for the entire country. If they gave out an award for "Biggest Smartass," The award would be called a "Shrum" (like Oscar or Academy) and the list of winners would read like my last family reunion invite list. We are proud of our smartassness and will share with all who won't punch us in the face. A week in the house together will only sharpen the tool we use so well. You'll see, this blog will contain a list of Rants that will take you weeks to catch up on. I'm also looking at Smokey Mountain National Park. I've driven through the Smokies, but never stopped to look around, so maybe we will this time. As my wife can tell you, I'm a planner. I'm all ready looking into the next trip to get together with the whole family. I have friends that stayed in a big house in the Smokies and they loved it. While I'm gone in June, I'll try to post to keep those of you that aren't actually there with me, updated on what's going on. That is if the insane asylum has wireless internet.